Aurora Eggert Coaching

Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

experience. I’m very excited to have Frank Anthony with me

today. He is, yeah, a fellow podcaster. And a guy that I was

blessed to meet a couple of weeks ago, he invited me on to

his show. And now, yeah, I have a couple of topics that I want

to discuss with Frank, because I know he’s a very authentic and

raw person. And he’s not shy to, yeah, share stuff that maybe

some people might be a little bit too shy around. And, yeah,

we just have a good conversation flow. And I wanted my listeners

to get to know you a little better. Frank, you started your

just thought, Oh, my God. This is so cool. And you’re being

very, very frank. And it’s very, very refreshing show. Can you

like invite us into your world a little bit. So you are pumping

out? episodes on a regular you have interview guests, like from

all over the world? How does your life look like right now?

Well, first, I want to say hello to everyone listening. And thank

you so much for coming. For me being able to come on your show.

It’s an opportunity I’ve been really excited about ever since

we connected and you came on to my show. So I do want to say

thank you for that, because this is awesome to be part of the

Borealis experience. But yeah, a little bit with me, well, I

guess so my life, it looks. The best way to put it, I guess, is

organized chaos. But I mean that in a good way. Because before it

used to just be chaotic and chaos, but I decided I needed

to, I needed to organize some things I need to reevaluate

certain things in my life who I was, as a human being. So as you

know, as an individual, I can be pretty, I can be very open, I

can be pretty out there I can, you know, I can try to be funny,

sarcastic, you know, all different. I also have a big

heart and I try to be kind and treat people with respect. So

yeah, my life though. It used to be kind of doing like, the

typical, like, Oh, I’m gonna, you know, go work a certain job.

And I don’t love the job, but I’m going to go do it. Just Just

because I didn’t really realize the freedom that life has for

us. Like, I think we, I think we are more free than we like to

believe sometimes or we treat ourselves as not being like, Oh,

I can’t do this. I can’t do that. Why not? You know, like,

it doesn’t hurt to cry it at least. So now my life is the

podcast and working on a book. And it’s things that I really

truly loved to do, compared to, like I said before going to a

job that other people definitely would love to go do it just

wasn’t my passion. So now I’m actually starting last year was

the beginning of me, being able to not only accept myself as a

human being and that I’m not perfect, but yet I can still

love myself but also accepting just my environment and that I

can pay if I don’t love it, I can change it. Or I can at least

try to change it and work every day on that. And I’m always

trying to develop new habits and stuff. But yes, I host a podcast

called let me be frank with Frank Anthony and I’ve met tons

of wonderful people like yourself Aurora around the world

that just even honestly Make me like, you know, let up Frank

makes me an even better individual than I was yesterday,

after I meet people like you and other people, regardless of

where they are in the world. There’s always some sort of

lesson there’s always some value that I can see in other people.

I what I like with shows like ours is we don’t need to we

don’t need to you know, there’s so many shows that interview

celebrities because a lot of us will care about what celebrities

are doing. But I also like to show that everyday people are

also interesting as well and that there’s an interesting

things about us that we just After you know what the rock

over and discover,

hmm, very beautiful. And yeah, and with everyday people, it’s

easier to relate to, right, like we can relate better to the

person next door than some Beyonce or whoever is out there

being a celebrity. And yeah, I also want to comment on your 21

little habits that you’re doing right now. Because I find that

very inspiring you are out there and not only doing your podcast

inviting people and letting us learn with them together, you

post on Facebook, very regularly. And it’s it’s things

that help the individual to be more positive and ever more

organized. And you empower people, you show them, hey, you

can do these little tricks, and they will lead to a more

fulfilled and let’s say successful life, I really enjoy

following it. When it comes to your podcast, I can sense that

you found something that gives you to joy and that you’re

really passionate about. And you also mentioned that you’re

pushing through, like self doubt at times, and you become a

better human. Like you make it an intention to get better with

maybe even every episode that you push out there. And this is

also very inspiring, because I feel a lot of people have so

much potential, and then they have their self doubt and

criticism creep in. And that’s what lets them be stuck in a job

that they don’t want to be in. Or in a relationship that is

super toxic. So that you share this with us. You know, I last

time we talked we mentioned Joe Rogan. And when you started out,

you went back to his first episode that saw that, oh, yeah,

he was not perfect all along. He, he grew with his mission.

And this is something we have to learn to accept and know that

everybody is going through. What I would like to talk about with

you today is when it comes to relationship, and it doesn’t

have to be romantic relationship only it can be friendship or

family. How did your relationships over time, evolve

or change? As soon as you started working on yourself and

feeling better with yourself? So do you remember a time back then

when you were still like, not following your passion and not

seeing a true purpose for yourself? How your relationships

were different than they are today?

Definitely, definitely, definitely, I’ve gone through a

few different phases in my own life. And I assume a lot of

people do. Some people don’t, unfortunately, they don’t learn

different ways that maybe they could communicate better, or

develop interpersonal relationships better with

others. And it’s honestly become one of my own passions that I’ve

discovered that I love to analyze and study as well. For

me, so at the beginning years and years ago, I, I don’t want

to give like any excuse for like, Oh, well, because my

environment was a certain way why I ended up being a certain

person. But I think as a child, your environment is very

important, or it does mold you in a certain way. And I love my

family. I love them to death, but their communication style

and building relationships was quite optic in the way that we

would, you know, I grew up, I grew up in an Italian family.

And you would just kind of yell at each other, you would just

yell things back and forth. And I mean, there, there were some

awful things you could say to one another. But you wouldn’t

stop talking to them because they were family. So it was

almost like you in a sense, you could get away with saying, I

don’t even want to give an example if it would be too

explicit. But but you have an idea like you could say

something so awful to this other family member that if you had

said that to someone outside the family, they would not not only

not want to talk to you again or block you. I mean, they could

call the police on you for certain things like it could be

so yeah, just so paradores certain actions towards one

another. That was I do love my family. And they do you know,

they mean, well, of course, we’re all you know, they’re all

growing, I’m growing everyone’s grown. and stuff, they’ve

definitely gotten better over time, like myself, but that type

of environment I took out of the family environment, and I

brought it into the real world with other people. And I learned

the hard way, that that’s not, that’s not what I should have

done that I needed to, I thought I knew everything, when in

reality, there was still a lot I needed to learn. So I use some

of those behaviors, I would say such awful things, to either

best friends, or romantic partners, or anyone that

actually gave me the time of day, which I’m grateful for

them. And then I feel sorry for that, that they did in that

period of my life. Because I was, yeah, I just there was a

lot, I still had to learn, I would do those things. And I

lost a lot of people by certain things that I would say, if I

felt like I was hurt by something, maybe they didn’t

even mean to hurt me with certain words, they said, Maybe

I just took it the wrong way, I would need to cut back five

times deeper, and say something way worse. And then obviously,

that would ignite something that’s not the way to

communicate with someone, instead, I could have

communicated that, you know, I feel like, I feel like you’ve

hurt me in a certain way or something, it could have went a

different way. So at the beginning, it was a lot of

anger. And I think it was a lot of anger, and hurt because of

growing up what I felt from certain situations, whether they

were in school or in my family life or in life in general, then

I started to evolve a little bit, and learn about

communication and see the importance of communication in a

relationship. And the issue that with that was that during I can

think of I can definitely think of one relationship specifically

where they, they didn’t really want to communicate anything.

They were almost like a brick wall. And I thought

communication was just talking at someone just saying

everything you feel, and they just have to take it. Yeah.

So and that wasn’t the right way. either. I learned I learned

I can’t just keep talking. Well, first of all, I can’t talk at

someone you have to communicate. It’s like a team, you have to

communicate with each other. Yes, a back and forth, where you

say something the other person listens, you don’t just you

don’t have to wait your turn to say what you want to say. You

could actually listen to what that person whether it’s a

friend, family member, romantic partner, whoever it is, you need

to listen to what they’re actually saying, you know,

they’re giving you the gift of communication and of language

and the gift of through emotion and feeling that they’re feeling

on the inside. So you could value that and listen to it, and

then respond accordingly. And also add in your own feelings.

So there’s been you know, with going to school for psychology

and just certain life lessons throughout my life. I, I believe

I’ve learned I can still learn, of course more, but I believe

I’ve learned a lot so far in that sense. And I kind of gained

this passion when it comes to interpersonal relationships,

because it’s so crucial whether it’s for your job, or, you know,

to build a family with someone or Yeah, to have long lasting

friendships over the years.

Wow. Like it’s so crazy. I mean, I haven’t known you long, but

the content that you put out and the energy that I feel for me, I

would have never said that you were a poor communicator couple

years back, and it’s so remarkable how far you got and

how, how much you can reflect about it. You always have to be

careful to not like feel like punish yourself too much for how

you behaved back then because your baby brain your your

youthful brain was just, yeah, like squished or marked so much

by the environment and you were able like to get yourself out of

that more toxic dynamic. And now, when you think of the

people that you might have heard and that you’re maybe not in

contact anymore. Did you ever think about reconnecting and

maybe talking about this Or are they just not in your life

anymore?

it yes and no, it’s a mix, it’s, it really depends on the

individual. There are a few of them that I have reconnected

with. Some are friends of mine again, today, which I’m very

thankful for some. I feel like the minimum goal now, when it

comes to reconnecting with people that maybe you had a

heart of with is that you’re at least civil with one another,

that there’s not hatred in your heart towards the other person

or vice versa. I really don’t want anyone to wait. I feel like

to waste time hating me. Yes, feel like it. Like I obviously

they have the right to feel whichever way they feel. I just

feel like it’s such a waste to hate on me, because I don’t I’m

not I’m not worth the energy, honestly, so that I’m not like

that, like, you can do so many better things. And, and vice

versa. I don’t need to hate on certain people, because there’s

different things. There’s different things you can do at

that time and energy. And that was a hard lesson for me to

learn over time. But I had a train of thought I think brain

of thoughts and blues and I was on Oh, sorry, I forgot a sec. I

was in the moment. With reconnecting there are

unfortunately there are some people that we that didn’t want

to talk to me again. And which they have that right to do I can

actually, I was mad at first, I’d be upset at first about it.

But then I realized they have the right to feel that way.

There was some awful thing. Like the things I said, we’re pretty

awful to the sense that Yeah, they have a right to not want me

in their life. That’s perfectly okay. And, and if there’s and

there’s certain there’s a few people that I’ve known in my

lifetime that I don’t need to hate, but I don’t need to talk

to them again. Or I don’t need to let them back in to my like,

bubble or in my circle.

Yeah, yeah. And sometimes that’s a tough spot to be in because

you want to apologize so much and explain yourself and help

the other to like, get over it. But yeah, sometimes people don’t

want to reconnect and then you got to accept it. And you have

to forgive yourself and not punish you more and, and just

move on. But I think it’s beautiful and very, like

courageous to go and see, Hey, can I reconnect with you? Can I

Can we just get over this together and not live in

resentment and become bitter people? That’s like, especially

in romantic relationships, I feel it’s but also friendships.

It’s important because there was a time where you had something

special and intimate. And yeah, it got broken up and some some

wound still hurt years later.

How is it there

was one, there was sorry, there was one specifically I do think

different times trying to like reconnect, because yeah, the

hurt being so bad, or like missing them and wanting them.

And I learned that you can’t you can’t force that on the other

person. If they don’t, they just didn’t want to reconnect in that

way. Or they felt like they had already tried enough times with

me. And yeah, and I agree with you that it’s really, it’s tough

to accept that or it’s, or it’s tough to, I used to always

believe that we needed closure, which is why I would reach out

to other people. And then actually what I learned sometime

last year, someone had given me really great advice that loader

can be found within yourself. And I remember that, like wow,

that. That’s very powerful. Like it really does. It reminded me

of how powerful we all of us are as human beings. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I remember that gets the most painful situation to experience

when you feel like there’s no closure and you can’t reach the

other person and now you have to run around half broken for the

rest of your life and and then I got received, like similar

advice. And yeah, it frees you from that from a burden even.

And then from that mission to having to connect with that

person and gives you peace again and yeah. What would you say are

the things that you’re still in Learning today or you want to

get better at when it comes to relationships, or friendships

like we’re all like a process of working process. I will share

what what I feel I still need to learn. But if you want to go

first, what are the things that you feel you need to get better,

you can go first. I feel sometimes I’m still scared to

speak my truth, to experience rejection from a person that I

deeply love. Because they might not be okay with my truth. I’m a

very, like, loving and caring person. At the same time, I love

my freedom, and I love to travel and explore. And sometimes I

find it hard to communicate like to to allow my free spirit to be

present as well, because I feel in a committed relationship. You

should feel restricted. So it’s also my, my view on

relationships, that they have to feel like you’re handcuffed,

which is wrong. And yeah, because I think it’s because I

observed with my parents and my grandparents, and maybe friends

that are married, that this is just how relationships work, you

have to give up your, your free spiritual, like, explore aside

and be in the kitchen and do the relationship duties. And that’s

not good, because I restrict myself and I might be

restricting my partner as well. And in speaking my truth and my

desires, I could maybe have more fulfilling relationships. So

yeah, that’s, for me the, the toughest part.

Yeah, I, I’ve also witnessed, from certain relationships to,

at least with romantic ones, this belief that once you get

with someone, you have to, like almost put off like your family

or your friends, like you can’t talk like you can’t really hang

out with your friends as much as they used to, you have to put

all your time into your partner for all your time and energy,

and almost make like romantic relationships more important

than friendships, when both types of relationships are

important. That’s, that’s definitely a lesson I like to

remind myself and try not to do to my friends or just other

people. In general, one thing I can think of it sounds a little,

it’s gonna sound a little weird, that I think they still could

use some work on is, is he is taking my own advice. At times,

I don’t always take it, I can say it to other people, but do I

always apply it and I think of for one, like one example being

I’m I am a firm believer in an aisle, and I’ll preach this,

that you and your romantic partner could live your own,

like, you should obviously build a life together. But you also

still need your own separate lives. Like you go into the

relationship with different interests, different lifestyles,

and that’s okay to like, still have some of your own passions

that aren’t related to your partner. So you can still live

an independent life. And I I can recognize that when I sometimes

when I go into relationships, it’s happened a lot, where I’m

like that the beginning. And then I start forming with them,

I start like mice, I start getting glued to the other

person, I start doing all the things that they like to do. And

I started becoming a part of their passions, and then they

start getting annoyed and kind of for good reason. Sometimes we

need space from our partners, we need to do our own thing I

stopped. For example, I love to write and I would just stop all

my writing. I didn’t need to stop, but I just would because

it wasn’t their interest. But it was mine and I would start

losing my own self identity. So that’s something probably even

to this day that I can continue working on.

hmm yeah, that’s such a good one. And I feel a lot of people

who are like compassionate and true lovers, you know. We do

that we tend to do that because we want to be close to the other

person and we also want to learn new things. We’re very curious

and are like, Oh yeah, I can ride later but I want to learn

like tennis now. Or to ride a unicorn, it’s, it’s very tricky

because I can feel that you’re also the kind of person who

would feel selfish, like you would feel selfish to tell your

new partner No, like today I’m going to write for three hours

and you can go do something else. It’s it’s a fine line of

not feeling guilty about it as well. And it is also the thing

that after a breakup, we have to find, again, like it makes a

breakup so much harder when you lost yourself along the way, and

you’re totally glued into one person. And then the breakup

happens. And you’re like, Oh, my God, who am I, I’m just existing

with my partner. And I know all these things in my mind, but

when I’m in there, when I’m passionate and caring again,

then I throw it all overboard. And it’s, it’s good to talk

about these things with you. Because then you can kind of

hold each other accountable. When it comes to your parents,

like you mentioned your family at the beginning, and that you

kind of grew out of toxic dynamics, but you sound like you

still have a really good relationship with them. How did

your relationship with your parents change? As you changed?

Was it difficult at first? Were they like, were you kind of

betraying us a little bit? Or did you try to, like, teach them

what you are learning and they resist it to it? Or they will

open to listen? What was your experience with your? And it

doesn’t have to be parents? Excuse me? It can be like your,

your core family. Sometimes it’s not necessarily the parents. But

maybe it is in your case?

That is a great question. It’s also a very tough question to

answer. I don’t I don’t get into family too much. Even saying

what I said before was really getting was starting to get

personal, I kind of tend to avoid them on my own platform.

Okay, but I’m on your platform, I’m here. And I’m going to give

I’m going to give you the goods. So so we can start with parents.

So well. My dad, it’d be really quick, I almost have no

relationship with him. In gun, I did it. They didn’t even really

know. I didn’t even really know anything about them for some

time. And I’ve only met him once my entire life when I was 17.

The only time I ever saw him in person. There. There’s a lot of

backstory with all that too. But unfortunately, you know, it just

wasn’t the best dynamic for him and I to continue communicating.

And I needed to, I had to warn him that hard lesson that they

always say Blood is thicker than water. But I don’t always

believe that is the case. Like I think it you have to really look

at the individual. And I’m like, just because he’s my biological

father. It doesn’t mean he’s been my father that’s actually

been there for me. So, so yeah, that that’s quick. Like there’s

just not really any communication and any

communication that has been there. It really just has been

wishy washy with my mom. She pretty much raised me on her

own. It also, that whole situation is very complicated,

because I love her. I love her to death. But our communication

we’re so the issue is, Well, two things. One, we’re very similar.

So you’re going to have like that clash of people of two

people who get annoyed by the same things yet. The second

issue is we is obviously we know each other’s to the point that

we know how to push each other’s buttons. And once you figure out

someone’s big red button, someone else’s and you have that

power to push it. That’s when it can get ugly at times. And we’ve

we’ve had a back and forth of being really good and then being

really bad. And today, it’s better. It’s getting better. I

think one thing we learned is especially maybe becoming an

adult we just couldn’t live together anymore. I think that

kind of happens with a lot of parents and their kids. It’s

like the kid wants to you know, be an adult now. And now be

called like the 20 something year old kid or the 36 something

year old kid. It’s like they want to be able to fly out of

the nest. And my mom is very I was our only child only son, so

very, very over protective of me that took a lot of time and

communication to get through and figure and, you know, let on my

end, let her know, hey, I, I need to go out and be an adult.

And I think she knew that deep down just was afraid something

bad would happen to me or didn’t want me to get her when in

reality I have to get her in order to learn. But I feel like

it just needs to happen we need to go. We can’t just always have

positive experiences, bad things are going to happen. People are

going to pass away someday. P this Yeah, certain tragedies are

in stone, like weather related to like any natural disasters,

they mean like any, like anything can really happen.

That’s bad that we don’t have control over. So So yeah, so our

communication was very up and down. Because I felt like, I

felt like my communication was growing, and that she kinda was

more stagnant. But I also don’t, I mean, she’s the only one

that’s going to really be able to identify what her

communication style is. I just that’s something I felt with her

whenever I would talk to her that communication could be

difficult. Other other family members, I mean, yeah, I to be

like, to be honest, I am close to my family, but not close to

my family, which probably doesn’t make any sense. So maybe

it makes some sense. But it’s like I’m, I’m close to them in

the sense that

I’ve spent like, a certain amount of time with them. But

then I’m not close in the sense that we really haven’t had much

communication with one another. I was one of the younger family

members. So I think I was always viewed as the one of the

children in the family. And even when I became an adult, they

still wouldn’t talk to me like I was an adult, or they would hide

certain things from me in fear that like I would get hurt. So

that was something that we’ve been needing to work on in the

process, like, Hey, I’m an adult. Now, like, I can handle

old, my uncle was only 30 years old, and he got in a car

accident and died. So that was something that they they

actually they told me he passed. But then it like I didn’t go to

the week or the funeral or I like they just never really

talked about him again. To me. It was just kind of like, they

told me that one time, and then they didn’t really want me to

actually like except the death. When it’s like you kind of need

to like, yeah, it’s tough. As a child, it’s tougher at any age,

to deal with losing a loved one. But it’s like you need to, you

would have to go through that process of what is it the five

stages of grief or whatever your process is, you have to go

through that in order to so that other situations aren’t nearly

as difficult. So it’s not it doesn’t feel life ending every

single time. Someone that So yeah, that’s kind of like, I

guess that’s an adjust the communication between me and and

family, I think for the most part.

Mm hmm. Wow. Yeah, that’s, so it sounds like you are close, but

you’re not maybe seeking approval. When you make a big

decision, like starting a podcast or writing a book, you

just do it because you know, it’s what you are desiring to

do. And he will share with them along the way. But you will not

like be codependent and wanting to know that they are on board.

Did I get that right?

Yeah, I think you did, I think and I also think they knew me so

well as a child, but then never really got to know me as an

adult. Yeah. And then they’re on my end, because I can’t I can’t

really speak how they feel about me at the end of the day, I

could assume, but I don’t really know fully. But on my end, there

is some sort of, I can admit there’s some sort of mistrust

with family members, that kind of that also hinders my

communication with them compared to like best friends where I

probably have a healthier level of communication.

Yeah, yeah. Wow, that sounds pretty like common that a lot of

people find like to family and their friends and they’re still

connected to their family, but a little bit on a healthy

distance. And that’s okay, as well. Man, we’re coming to an

end to I’m looking at the clock. It’s like 37 It felt like 10

minutes. I have so many more questions. Maybe we can do that

again soon. I would love you to share where people can find you.

If they got curious about you. Let me be frank podcast on all

the platforms that you can imagine your book, How far are

you into writing your book? When is it time for us to have a peek

at it?

I wish I was farther, I’m starting to get better with

frying too. The problem is, once I stopped writing, I sometimes

can’t get back on the train. So I realized I gotta write a

little bit every day. Even if it’s like 100 words, it’s not a

whole lot. But it’s something it’s just getting something on

paper that I need to keep up with. Because if I go, if I go

like three or more days in a row, I’m probably not going back

to the piece or it’ll be a long time. So I’ve so honestly, I

only have like, I don’t have much of a manuscript, maybe like

30 something pages at the moment, but my goal was to try

to finish the manuscript this year. But we’ll see I really,

that’s a minimum goal. I want to try to do more. So we’ll see.

Keep everyone updated on that. Cool then my social medias I’ll

try to keep it kind of simple. explains I go by two different

names on social media. So for example, my podcast, Instagram

and my Twitter are at let me be frank, odd. And then my personal

Instagram, and my Tick Tock are Frank Anthony books. And then I

have a website, www dot frank Anthony books calm. And like you

had said to the podcast, as on Spotify, apple, podcasts, pod

bean, and a ton of other different streaming services.

Very, very cool. Well, thank you so much for being here with us

today. It was such a pleasure to meet with you in person again. I

mean, zoom is what we have right now. And, yeah, I will make sure

to connect people with you. And I’m excited for your upcoming

episodes. Thank you for being here.

Thank you so much, Aurora.

Thank you so much for listening to this interview. I hope you

got a lot of value out of it. And yeah, make your own

conclusions. My biggest conclusion here is, it is so

important to reflect about how we behaved in the past how we

communicated, and to think about how we can do things better in

the future and reconnect with people that we have lost along

the way. And be okay with people not wanting to reconnect with us

anymore. take really good care of yourself. Thanks for

subscribing and maybe leaving me or writing on Apple podcast. I

will be out there very soon again. Bye bye, Aurora.