ep.35 The connection between boundaries and resentment.

Ep. 35 boundaries/ resentment

Setting boundaries is hard for so many people. ( me included 🙂 )

Fear of feeling rejected or abandoned after setting a boundary is often the case.

Is it worth it to hold a boundary even when facing upset people ?

Can we get better at setting boundaries ? And why is it so important?

Lots of love 

Aurora

Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/donate?business=DWPYL9GK5AVQL&item_name=buy+me+a+tea¤cy_code=CAD)

If you love what you learned, be sure to hit that follow button so you never miss a future episode, and make sure to leave a review to help me reach more listeners just like you looking to follow their inner truth. 

Find the episode that suits your mood best here 

https://the-borealis-experience.captivate.fm 

If I am missing a topic. Please sent me a topic request 

Support the Show and Social Links 

Thank you !!!!

Want to ‘Buy me a coffee’ and send some appreciation my way ?

Click link below  

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/auroraborealis

Give some love to the show and make it easier for people to find my podcast in leaving a review here

https://ratethispodcast.com/aurora

Do you need a one on one chat or regular meet ups with me to stay accountable on your journey ?

Book a free 60 mins meeting with me 

Just message me on fb 

And join 

https://www.facebook.com/auroraeggertcoaching/  

Have a podcast episode topic request ?

Sent me a message on fb 

https://www.facebook.com/auroraeggert1/

#lifecoachformen

#lifecoachforwomen 

#newepisode 

Thank you so much

https://www.facebook.com/auroraeggert1/

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpWuBuBFtPkAPo3NL1DjRgQ

@theborealisexperience 

https://www.theborealisexperience.com/listen

Transcript
Unknown:

Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

Unknown:

experience. I’m your host Aurora, and I’m so happy to have

Unknown:

you here today. If you want to rest and relax, reflect, unwind

Unknown:

from a busy day. And this is the place to be.

Unknown:

Today is episode number 35. I want to talk about boundaries

Unknown:

and resentment. I feel that boundaries and resentment go

Unknown:

hand in hand. People who have clear boundaries, who know how

Unknown:

to communicate their boundaries, and don’t feel bad about their

Unknown:

boundaries,

Unknown:

don’t carry around as much resentment, if at all, then

Unknown:

people who don’t have boundaries.

Unknown:

So if you look at your life, if you look at your relationships,

Unknown:

how do you react to boundaries of others? Can you recall a

Unknown:

situation where a friend told you she has to go home now

Unknown:

because she has errands to run? Or she has to keep it short on

Unknown:

the phone today?

Unknown:

Think about a situation, maybe in recent days, where a friend,

Unknown:

partner or family member set a boundary?

Unknown:

And do you remember how you reacted? How did you feel in

Unknown:

that moment? Was that very natural to you? Because you know

Unknown:

that person already? Or was it really natural and good? Because

Unknown:

you have the same boundaries?

Unknown:

Or where the feeling of rejection, abandonment coming

Unknown:

up?

Unknown:

So take a moment to think about it and be real honest with you.

Unknown:

With yourself?

Unknown:

And how do others react to your boundaries? Do they respect them

Unknown:

without questioning without asking

Unknown:

for you to give them a reason? Or do they guilt trip you and

Unknown:

shame you and call you selfish because you set a boundary.

Unknown:

A lot of people have problems with other people’s boundaries

Unknown:

and even come up with very manipulative, passive

Unknown:

aggression.

Unknown:

That is very, very

Unknown:

uncomfortable and makes you feel bad about you setting a boundary

Unknown:

then. So take a moment now and think about a situation where

Unknown:

you were setting a boundary and how the other person reacted.

Unknown:

Now, why is it so important to have boundaries? And why is it

Unknown:

so hard for so many people to set boundaries? I think it all

Unknown:

starts when we’re very young. And

Unknown:

I mentioned that in my first or second episode already, our

Unknown:

parents were not born with a manual, where it says what we

Unknown:

exactly need in which moment and where our boundaries are and

Unknown:

where we have room to grow, like we are thrown into this world

Unknown:

and our parents are trying to do their best. And some parents are

Unknown:

really overwhelmed with parenting. And wherever you show

Unknown:

character wherever you show

Unknown:

your limits or your boundaries and it doesn’t go with the

Unknown:

intentions of the parent, you will be told that it is not

Unknown:

okay, it’s unconvenient and you are not allowed to set that

Unknown:

boundary. And then growing up we learn that setting boundaries is

Unknown:

a bad thing and that it creates conflict with people that we

Unknown:

need and love and it’s really very detrimental to a

Unknown:

relationship or romantic relationship in adulthood then,

Unknown:

if you don’t know how to clearly communicate your boundaries.

Unknown:

It’s a big part of getting to know another person, a person

Unknown:

who trusts you enough to tell you that he or she doesn’t like

Unknown:

something

Unknown:

wants to be close to you. Even though it feels like that person

Unknown:

is pushing you away in the moment. Really that person is

Unknown:

showing you her limits and wants to be in contact with you.

Unknown:

Just under certain circumstances and conditions, which is totally

Unknown:

valid. So you actually build trust and setting boundaries

Unknown:

because that person, then know they can count on you when

Unknown:

you’re there. And when you’re not there, they’re not rejecting

Unknown:

or trying to mindfuck you or manipulate you, or make you feel

Unknown:

bad, and they’re just busy with something else. So it is

Unknown:

definitely a strong trust building tool that you need in

Unknown:

all relationships.

Unknown:

So let’s talk about some examples. Now, you are on a

Unknown:

phone with a friend, and the person tells you Oh, I gotta

Unknown:

rush I have to hang up. Now I have no time for lengthy talk

Unknown:

today. Or a friend you meet up with. And actually, you had the

Unknown:

intention to spend three hours with her. But after one and a

Unknown:

half hours, she says, Oh, well, I still have to go for grocery

Unknown:

shopping and do my laundry. Or when you ask for help or

Unknown:

support, and the person is not exactly there for you, as you

Unknown:

need it.

Unknown:

A person who has strong boundaries is very easy to

Unknown:

identify because those people are 100% present with you, when

Unknown:

they tell you that they want to help you. A person who has no

Unknown:

boundaries at all, says yes to pretty much everything and wants

Unknown:

to be the people pleaser and the Brest best friend ever, and can

Unknown:

be replaced by anything. But sometimes they do things and you

Unknown:

can really feel that they don’t really do it, but they do it

Unknown:

anyways. And those are the times when they were too weak to say

Unknown:

no to you, and were maybe scared that they would upset you, or

Unknown:

make you feel as if they rejected you or so. So that’s a

Unknown:

very easy clue that you can get when a person is 100% there for

Unknown:

you

Unknown:

at their disposal, so to say. And when a person is half acidly

Unknown:

helping you out. And yeah, you can literally feel that. They

Unknown:

say yes, but don’t really mean it. And those are boundary

Unknown:

problems that they have a nod you.

Unknown:

So it’s very easy to see then that everybody involved is

Unknown:

suffering, the person who says yes, but actually means no. And

Unknown:

the person who is accepting the services and the support, and

Unknown:

feels like oh, well that person is not really there with me and

Unknown:

what’s going on here. And sometimes we tend to force

Unknown:

things because we are in need of help, we are

Unknown:

in need of support or whatever. And we kind of want people to be

Unknown:

there in the moment. But really, if they do it then out of fear

Unknown:

of not wanting to hurt you, then you do yourself a huge

Unknown:

disservice. You have to know that a lot of people

Unknown:

want to have a harmonious relationship with you. But if

Unknown:

you don’t respect their boundaries in that moment, then

Unknown:

you will either face a huge rejection and huge monologue.

Unknown:

Or

Unknown:

they will face you with resentment. And resentment is

Unknown:

just a natural

Unknown:

outcome because people then feel violated and feel they’ve been

Unknown:

tricked into a situation that they want to be and the

Unknown:

I don’t want to swear here. But the very weird thing about that

Unknown:

is that they are resentful towards you know,

Unknown:

even though it was their problem to set boundaries. They are

Unknown:

resentful with you because they feel violated by you because you

Unknown:

were maybe persistent or more assertive or clever with your

Unknown:

words and they didn’t have the words at the time to say no. And

Unknown:

so now you are sitting in that mess. So all this to say is that

Unknown:

we have to encourage people to have boundaries we have to

Unknown:

encourage our partners especially in romantic

Unknown:

relationships to

Unknown:

be independent and do their own thing and tell us what they want

Unknown:

and what they don’t want. Because if we don’t respect

Unknown:

that, and if they don’t respect this in our

Unknown:

tech when it comes to us, then no healthy relationship can be

Unknown:

built on that. So trust is probably one of the biggest

Unknown:

things when you enter a relationship, romantic

Unknown:

relationship. But then I find, being able to set boundaries,

Unknown:

and to tell the people, honestly, what we don’t like.

Unknown:

And what we don’t want to see how we don’t want to be treated

Unknown:

is a huge thing in forming our respectful relationship.

Unknown:

So this was my episode for you today.

Unknown:

resent resentment and boundaries are very critical

Unknown:

to think about when you think about your friendships, and also

Unknown:

your family members. I often hear over Christmas, there’s

Unknown:

been lots of family drama in my, with my friends or

Unknown:

acquaintances, and with family members, it is the hugest The

Unknown:

biggest problem because when you grow up, and they are used to

Unknown:

just bullying your around and not really respecting your

Unknown:

needs, because you always go with the flow, and then all of a

Unknown:

sudden you turn around and tell them that this is not going on

Unknown:

like this, that you have your boundaries now, then you will

Unknown:

usually meet huge resistance and resentment and manipulation. But

Unknown:

if you do it out of a pure heart, from a very authentic

Unknown:

place, then I beg you to stick to your guns and to stay calm

Unknown:

and to just

Unknown:

hold that boundary up like a

Unknown:

white flag.

Unknown:

It is critical because people will behave differently around

Unknown:

you and probably treat you better and respect you more if

Unknown:

you learn how to set your boundaries in a kind and very

Unknown:

clear way.

Unknown:

All right, thank you so much for listening to today’s episode.

Unknown:

This was the Borealis experience. I’m your host

Unknown:

Aurora. Thank you for being a part of this. You have been

Unknown:

amazing support and I’m motivated every day to produce

Unknown:

something for you.

Unknown:

Until next time, Bye Bye, Aurora.

Leave a Reply

Powered by WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: