Ep.32 Marital conflicts pt 2 acting loving but not being loving [relationship]

What is wrong with you ? You smile, you do nice things but you don’t do it cause you love doing it. You do it cause it’s EXPECTED from you . You having this routine because everything that you could do out of the norm would spark drama, an argument, you would have to explain and justify .. and that’s even more draining ..

Why is being loving getting so draining all of a sudden?

When did it start?

Why is my partnership so boring and tastes like stale bread?

I used to love this person so much and now there is nothing. No passion. No drive..

Have you experienced this before?

Trust me nothing is wrong with you.

Here is why ..

Enjoy this episode

With love A

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Transcript
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Hello, hello, and

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welcome to the Borealis experience. I’m your host

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Aurora. And I’m very happy to be spending some time with you

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today. I want to thank you all for your messages. It was

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incredible the support and love I felt from you, during my five

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days of struggling here, and I had a black widow, biting me in

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the neck, and in and out of the hospital several times and

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worried worries and discomfort and everything. And yeah, you

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guys are just incredible. I know why I’m showing up for you three

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times a week, here on this podcast, and on Facebook several

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times a week with little videos, because I appreciate you so

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much. And I want to share tools with the world that helped me to

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become a more fulfilled person, a happier person. And yeah, it’s

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incredible to receive this feedback from you. Thank you so

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much. If you’re new to this podcast, make sure to subscribe.

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If you’re a longtime listener, thank you so much for being

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here, I appreciate you so much. And if you want to do me a huge

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favor, leave me a review, and a rating on Apple podcast for

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other people to make it easy to find this podcast. Today I want

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to talk about acting like a loving person. Or being a loving

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person walking in love speaking love. It is two very different

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things. And I feel a lot of people can sense this after

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being in relationship for a while. And we feel like Ah, it’s

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kind of a routine now. And I’m kind of doing those loving

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things because they are expected from me. And I’m saying these

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things because, again, it’s part of this routine, but I don’t

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really feel that way anymore. What is wrong with me? What is

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wrong with a relationship? What is wrong with the other person?

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What am I supposed to do now? Should I just leave? Will I

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regret one day if I just leave? I feel those thoughts are

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totally normal. And there’s nothing wrong with you. I can

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imagine that. What happened along the way is that you

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started to shut down your heart. With every level of

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disappointment with every little hurt, your heart closed up more.

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And it’s kind of clogged up now. And your brain your mind still

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knows how to act lovingly. But it’s getting more and more

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exhausting. And passion is not there anymore. sex drive is not

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there anymore. You kind of feel resentful, even angry. You want

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to avoid. You want to fight but not really. Because you know you

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you don’t really have anything to point your finger at. It’s

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just a whole mess that you’re sitting in. And you’re blaming

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yourself. It makes you feel horrible. Trust me, I’ve been in

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that situation. I’ve been in that situation many times. And I

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experienced that this happened because I was not honest with

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myself. And because I abandoned myself because I didn’t stand up

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for myself anymore. And I was adapting too much to my partner.

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And it is not their fault. We have to stop blaming the other

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and have to start looking at ourselves of course. disclaimer

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here. There’s all different kinds of relationships,

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situations, and

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maybe yours is different than mine. But right now I’m just

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talking about how you can look at yourself and change. Become

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yourself again. And this, in turn, will change your

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relationship for the better as well. And it is not so much

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about going back in time and, and looking what went wrong. It

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is more about how can you learn to express yourself

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authentically, again, how can you make space in between you

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guys without rejecting and hurting the other person, but

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doing something for yourself, for your own good, without

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feeling selfish, you know, if you’ve been a very outdoorsy

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person, and then you met your sweetheart, and all of a sudden

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you became a very homey kind of person, there will be a point

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where resentment will come up. And you will not even know why.

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But it is your longing for this little sense of freedom that you

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used to have that you want back. And you’re going to take it out

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on the other person, and they’re not going to understand why we

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have everything we’re happy. But you didn’t allow them truly to

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see who you are. You adapt it right away to meet their needs,

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and you gave up the person you were. And now you blame them.

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That’s not fair. And that’s you hiding in victim mentality.

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You’re not a victim, you are in a situation now that you have to

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slowly untangle yourself again, and you have to learn to speak

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your truth again. And when when it comes to love when it comes

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to feeling love for another person. The most important thing

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is that you learn to feel your feelings again, when your path

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to your heart is clogged up is not clear. It means that you

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don’t allow emotions to be felt to be processed to be expressed

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to be seen by the other person. You hold back you suppress in

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order to fit in, in order to not disturb the other person or

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their relationship. But in doing so you harm yourself. And this

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is the result. You can’t feel your heart anymore. You can’t

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feel loving anymore. Because the path to your heart is blocked.

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So

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it’s a difficult situation to sit in. I totally see that. But

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it’s the most beautiful path you can imagine being on the path of

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clearing the way to your heart to your own heart. You have to

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start doing things for yourself again, is it hobbies that you

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gave up a long time ago? Is it a new hobby that you always wanted

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to try? Is it people that you want to meet without thinking of

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cheating on your partner, anything, maybe it is a language

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that you want to learn. You have to create a little bit of space

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in between you and your partner and discover yourself again. And

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in doing so you will spark a deep curiosity on the other

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person and maybe even fear because all of a sudden he’s

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dancing outside of the box. That’s uncomfortable that scares

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me. And you might have to put up with the fear of your partner

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and do it anyways. Without being inessa No, not without being an

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athlete without being a mean person, but very direct. And you

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can even comfort them and say hey honey, like I feel I ignored

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myself I’d neglected myself and I need to take better care of

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myself. And in doing so, you also give the other person space

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to do the same. You No, sometimes we get so used to

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sitting in the same house in the same pot for so long, and we

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have our little routines. And it’s kind of getting boring. And

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if you are the one who started stepping out and starting to do

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new things, the other person is left whether we say vacuum, like

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an empty space is better to say, in English. And they will fill

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that empty space with what they can be passionate about. Again,

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and they might feel at first with fear and anxiety and maybe

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anger towards you, but it is okay. It is their little, like

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struggles that they might have to go through a little bit, you

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can reassure them, but do it anyways. And then you kind of

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teach them how to take care of themselves again. And then one

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day soon, you can meet again, and talk about the adventures

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that you experienced. And you can maybe hear in my voice you

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can hear like novelty and excitement and what have you

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been doing? Tell me about your day. And I want to know more

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about you. And I didn’t know that you were such a good

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painter, such a good singer.

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You kind of unlock love on a deeper level again, and you give

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possibility for growth. So many times we feel stuck in routine

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and stuck in behavior and not loving behavior, but just like

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yeah, routines, and it makes us feel dull and numb. And then

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once we step out and do new things, then we kind of stretch

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the comfort zone and we make the other people yeah, maybe

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interested in themselves again to maybe they meet with friends

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again, or whatever they choose to do. I feel so often we think

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cheating on our partner is the way out. Because it is novelty

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it is someone seeing us with fresh eyes, someone being

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curious about us, someone opening us up to a new world.

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But trust me, you can do it. without cheating on your

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partner. You can open up a new world to your partner in taking

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better care of yourself again, and in remembering who you were

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and who you are and who you want to be in the future. And if your

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partner truly loves you, they will see exactly what’s going

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on. And they will appreciate it and know that at the end of the

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day, they would totally benefit from it as well. So spread your

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wings and think about the things that you wanted to do for a long

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time but haven’t and know that Yeah, you might be facing

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rejection and fear and anxiety from your partner. And you might

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feel very nervous about the step two because it is new to you.

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But it is so worth it. It is so endlessly worth it. to spark

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love inside of your chest again, deep appreciation for your

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partner to see that they allow you to explore, they trust you.

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They want you to be happy. And then you can feel your heart

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again because you found your way back to yourself. You know who

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you are, again, you feel yourself you feel alive. And

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from that point, you can give love again because you have so

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much respect for yourself. This was my first episode after

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struggling with dizziness, nausea and my Black Widow bite

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there. I hope it was very clear and I hope I got my message out

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there. And I hope I was bringing you lots of value and loving

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vibes hopeful vibes. Thank you so much for listening. I’m your

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host Aurora and I will be back out there very soon again. Take

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