Aurora Eggert Coaching

Hello, and welcome to the Borealis experience. I’m

your host Aurora.

And I’m very

happy to be spending some time with you today. Today is the

32nd episode. And just a quick announcement that I will be

hosting on a different platform now. So if you have iTunes and

Spotify,

you are safe.

If you were listening to this podcast on any other platform,

then iTunes, Spotify stitchers, and one other that I can recall

now, then please join iTunes or Spotify. Yeah, I’m very excited,

I have a new platform where I can edit better, and I can reach

out to you in a different way. And this is very exciting for

me, because I’m not a computer nerd on the exact opposite. But

it’s all going to be fine. I’m gonna be patient and bite

through it. Because you’re so worth it. I want you to have the

best quality when you choose to spend time with me. So let’s

dive in. Today, I announced yesterday, I announced that I

will be talking about emotional pain and aggression. Let’s talk

about emotional pain first, because I feel emotional pain is

the first step that leads us to be aggressive. Do you care carry

pain around with you and don’t even know it? How do you find

out? There’s this awesome guy called eco tala. And he

describes said as the pain body. So if you think about your

physical body, now imagine your emotional body being just as

susceptible to pain, then your physical body. And when someone

is attacking us when something hurts us, it creates a scar on

our emotional body. And can you imagine how it would look like

feel like be like to have these wounds visible? I would hope

that we would all be way more gentle with each other. But

let’s think about all the stuff that has hurt you in the past.

And did you really get over it? Or is it still bugging you

today? We can go even into your childhood and everything that

happens between zero and seven years of age is kind of burned

into your heart where and that stuff is really hard to dig out

and expose and get rid of because it’s really burned into

our little spongy brain. sponge because we soak everything up

when we’re little. So all the experiences that you’ve made so

far, have left an impression on you. You made your conclusions.

You might have found resolution and closure. But no one

navigates through life with a clean shirt. So to say we all

have stuff that we had a hard time to let go. That is still

bugging us. And when we get injured when we get emotionally

attacked. Then what our brain does is detaching from that

experience. Or whatever comes up in the future that reminds us of

that experience will have a huge impact on us and a huge reaction

will arise because of stuff that is being triggered. We learn

then to avoid or resist or fight Everything that reminds us of

that pain that has happened to us in the past. And maybe you

are doing this consciously. But most of the time, that stuff

happens unconsciously. And we just see it in how people react

to us. And sometimes we don’t get why people react in a

certain way. Because we are so unaware of how we behave, that

we only focus of what is happening

outside. And why is that a bad thing? It is a bad thing,

because we usually then retreat into victim mentality and blame

others see all the faulty things that happen outside of us, but

we can quite see what is happening inside of us that we

could correct and where we have the power to change. And so if

we learn to avoid pain, resist or fight potential pain, because

it is our brain who can see the danger, but because of a

distorted view on reality, yeah, you are so scared of being left

alone again. Let’s say if that was one thing in your childhood,

that now every time the slightest moment of loneliness

comes up, you just freak out and you have to, like try to

suffocate that ugly feeling of love, loneliness. And we can

really learn we can unfuck ourselves, so to say from from

those avoid and detachment behaviors and can reintegrate

and become the person we were supposed to become, again.

Because when we close ourselves up, and like, try to protect

ourselves too much, then we also close ourselves up to love and

the most beautiful things in life that asked from us to be

courageous, right? Like when you live in fear, when you live in a

constant state of protectiveness, then you really

miss out. And that should be enough of a reason to dig up old

stuff and look at it and then put it to peace, put it to sleep

forever. So let’s look at some examples. We have racism, we

have heartbreak, we have accidents, we have

disappointment, that all can happen and deeply injure us and,

and even shape our perception, on life and on society and on

people in general. When we make these experiences than usually

we see black and white, there is racism from white people against

black people and from black people, against white people. I

experienced it when I was living in South Africa. Like for four

months, I had really a taste of what racism feels like. And I

know how crippling it is and scary. But I refuse to see South

Africa as a racist country like it’s not just to then make a

general like radical conclusion just because I had a bad

experience. Same with heartbreak. Yeah, when you go

through a really terrible heartbreak. Of course you have

to heal and rest and rejuvenate and everything. But there comes

a time where you have to go out there again with a complete open

heart and mind and be curious about the other person and

noticed when your mind is trying to protect you when when you’re

trying to run away from intimacy again. You’re probably wondering

when I’m finally get into aggression, but I’m getting

there. Be patient with me. So when shit happens, it is burned

into a memory like a scar and to avoid future pain. We

subconscious We change our behavior. And that is so tricky,

because, as you probably know, subconscious means that we are

absolutely not aware that our behavior is changing, that we

becoming more dark or more

heavy or more aggressive even. And that affects how we relate

to people and things. And in turn affects what we bring into

our life attract into our life, you don’t have to be all too

esoteric to understand that I don’t want to say because I know

you can follow me. But once you shout into the forest, you

receive back, there’s a quote like that in German, please

correct me if I’m wrong. If you have a bad mood and you behave

aggressively, then there’s a huge chance that the feedback

will be negative as well, except if it’s a person who can cut

through your bullshit and see your pain. But usually, it has

to be a person that knows you for a long time. So your

behavior changes on a subconscious level. And you

attract things out of some that you don’t really want. But you

don’t understand why. And this is because of the emotions that

we send out into the world, and that make us feel stuck and

influences greatly how we make choices, our decision making is

hugely dependent on how we feel about ourselves and others. And

this is what I want you to be aware of today. And that even

changes the way you see yourself and you feel about yourself, and

you see and feel all that others, all of it is affected.

So let’s go deeper into an example here. Let’s say that in

high school, you were bullied that one time because you were

not a good sports man, sports woman, and people started making

fun of you. So how do you step into the world, then you step

into the world thinking that you are not sporty, not capable of

any physical activity, and you retreat you may be not because

of a passion, become an artist, because you think you’re not

worth being a sporty person, because he had that shitty

experience. And it can be the other way around too. You can be

born into a family of intellectuals and bankers,

accountants, whatnot, but be born into a soul being an

artist, a singer, a songwriter, or a painter. So how do you feel

about yourself when you bring back a painting from school and

your family says well, but your math grades suck. But your

English skills suck. So how do you feel then about yourself of

course, you’re going to think that you’re a useless piece of

human being who has nothing to serve the world. So the

experiences you made in the past that might have shaped you that

you maybe have forgotten about and and really affect the way

you see yourself and then the society around us that at

sometimes some point in our life has taught us that we are not

okay how we are and we have to change to fit in because

otherwise we get excluded or whatnot. And I feel this is the

root cause of aggression and aggression is the most Miss

understood emotion that there is because yeah, you can be an

aggressive car driver or sportsman, sports woman. But

aggression among people is deriving because of feeling

misunderstood, feeling, powerless, feeling not seen and

feeling as if you don’t matter. It’s a deep feeling of sadness.

That turns people into evil, aggressive people. And I can

talk from experience because I’ve been there and I have not

completely healed from it yet. I still have tremendous aggression

inside of my chest, but I learned to channel it out. And

to be aware of it and go deeper, if you can think about a

pyramid, aggression is more on the top level of the pyramid of

emotions, and lower levels of emotions, like

the deep base of aggression can be shame, and sadness. And if we

would learn to see it in ourselves, and then reflect that

into the outside world again. And if we could teach people to

see it in other people, and not react to the aggression that is

happening, but seeing the bullshit that is going on

underneath, we would be such a strong society and so supportive

with each other. I don’t know if you can hear it in my voice. But

this topic is really dear to me. aggression is really a tricky,

tricky emotion because it pushes people away, when you want them

to be closest, when you finally want to express yourself, yeah,

when you held back your sadness and your powerlessness and your

shame for too long. And it just bursts out of you, and you want

to make people hear you. But it comes out as this aggressive,

ugly language, where people have two choices, they can make this

how do you say they can play them? not hearing, not seeing,

just receiving, but actually being shut down. So they keep

being in your presence, but don’t really understand you and

just wait until you’re done. Then there’s the other person

who snaps back, which makes it most of the time even worse. And

then there’s the person who can see that you are in pain and

then cuts through and just gets in there. And it’s there for

you, even though you were aggressive. And those are the

people who really get you who really want to be close to you.

And we have to learn to express ourselves better. And that

aggression is a nice tool is an awesome, awesome emotion to

sometimes get things done and to be successful. But when we

interact with others, when we want to feel understood,

aggression can be the way to go. It pushes people away, it scares

people, especially when it is a man and a woman and the woman is

the enabler and the man is reacting aggressively, then the

woman will not change her behavior. The way it’d be best.

She will be scared she will be defensive. And she will

manipulate and fuck you up in other ways then you actually

want so this is my first episode about aggression, aggression,

aggression, and it was not the last.

I’m finding it. Awesome to talk about it. It helps me a lot.

If you follow Bill Burr, if you know the comedian, then look up

some stuff from him. He’s hilarious and he talks about his

aggression quite openly. I’m going to leave you at that. take

really good care of yourself. We covered a lot today. And don’t

forget iTunes, Spotify and Stitcher are the platforms where

you can find me in the future. Lots of love Aurora with