Aurora Eggert Coaching

Hello, and welcome to the Borealis experience. I’m

your host Aurora. And I’m very happy to be spending some time

with you today. This episode is requested by a dear lesson. I’m

very excited to address this marital conflicts. Because I

feel a lot of people struggle in their relationships. And in

talking about it and reflecting about it, and seeing how we can

change ourselves. And in doing so, positively influencing our

relationships, we can become stronger individuals, stronger,

couples, a stronger society. If you like this podcast, make sure

to subscribe. I welcome everybody who is new to my

podcast here. so wonderful to have you. And I’m so grateful

for all the listeners who have been here since the beginning.

If you want to give back, if you want to show appreciation, hop

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make it easy for people to find me and is a big thumbs up to my

work, which I would appreciate greatly. Thank you so much. All

right, let’s dive into this. I’m assuming that you married a

person that you love and respect that you are attracted to. And

that you see potential in your relationship you want to build

and create. You got to know them a little bit beforehand, you

feel comfortable with them. Maybe they are a friend to you,

also a lover, a respected partner. But sometimes after a

couple years, things go astray and things change and

relationships change. And I want to explore a little bit why this

happens. I feel that a lot of times we take our partner for

granted. And we start slacking off. We make assumptions about

how they think and who they are. And we kind of dive off into our

world and maybe work on ourselves or focus on ourselves.

And then all of a sudden you wake up next to your partner one

day, and you don’t even really know who this is anymore. You

live in the same house sleep in the same bed. But he don’t

really have the strong bond between you guys anymore. And

there’s many, many things you can do in order to refresh a

relationship in order to fix relationship issues. And this is

what I want to talk about with you today. The number one thing

that is very important to keep track of is how much time do you

spend together? And is this time? spend wisely? Do you just

sit on top of each other and he is on his phone and she is on

her iPad? Or in front of the TV? What are the things that you do

when you spend time together? Is it fulfilling? Or is it just

boring routine? Do you give each other full presence? When your

partner wants to tell you something? Do you actually put

your phone away and any other distractions you newspaper or

whatever it could be and fully listen to your partner? And then

what is really the art of listening? Do they talk and you

think of your response already and how you want to get back to

them? Or do you just listen and read body language and read what

the main messages here? And after they’ve done talking he

just wait and see a little bit? Do they want to vent? Do they

want advice? Your opinion? Do they want to express to you how

they feel. Being able to truly listen is a life changer in

relationships. And I didn’t want to wait till the end of the

episode because I wanted you

to know right away that it is a very easy task to do. And so

powerful and important in order to nurture intimate

relationships, but also friendships. So when you listen

to somebody, what’s yourself from now on? Do you want to jump

in and interrupt them? Do you want to jump in and throw your

opinion on the table and how you feel? Or can you let them speak

out. And for me, when I started doing that, I noticed how

impatient I was getting, I wanted to get my opinion out

there, I wanted to get my advice out there because I wanted to

help them right away. But when we do that, we oftentimes miss

out on critical information, we pressure the other person, and

we don’t make them feel heard. And, you know, so many times I,

I see, like women, or even men who are like, Oh, my partner

cheated on me. And I don’t even know what happened. And why is

this and stuff what the side person was usually a good

listener, was able to feel the emotions of the other and add

and respond adequately. So I feel if we learn to listen to a

partner again, then we can create that sweet intimacy to

each other, which will reduce the likelihood

of cheating. Now, we have listening. The next point I want

to address is the assumptions.

Oftentimes, we see our partner if we’ve been together with them

for a couple years. And we just think, yeah, we know exactly how

they think we know exactly what they do what they want in life.

And, yeah, this is just how it is. But if you could change this

a little bit, if you could see that your partner is allowed to

change over time. And it makes it even very excited, exciting

for you, if they change because they can open you up to a

complete new world. So you have to energetically and emotionally

give them that space, and that curiosity, to evolve and to

become someone new every day. And to not assume just because

they cheered for the Italians, Italian soccer players, that

they love spaghetti, and that they love to go to Rome for the

next trip of vacation. If you know what I mean here, we have

to sometimes kind of force ourselves to be curious about

people that we know for a long time, because it will give the

other person an opportunity to grow an opportunity to see that

you are genuinely interested. And that you give them the space

and you allow them to grow and evolve. And this is such a

precious gift to start new hobbies together to Yeah, maybe

you guys were both not sporty and physically active in the

past, but maybe you want to try something new. So to allow

novelty and to maybe even schedule it that once a month,

you do something new, you go to a place that you guys have never

been before you try a hobby that you’ve never tried before. And

to just be playful again, I feel a lot of times we forget about

the importance of playfulness. When it comes to physical

attraction. Remember how attracted you were at the

beginning of your relationship to your partner and how it is

nowadays is still very attracted and curious. Do you still

explore new things or do you deeply appreciate your partner’s

body with all the flaws with with everything that it has to

offer? partner massage is a very good thing to get intimate again

and asking questions that she it’s very scary territory to

you. To walk on at the beginning, but it is so

incredibly important to also there. Stay curious, what do you

need? What do you want? am I touching you the way that it is

good for you? Or am I only doing what I think is good for you.

So, also, they’re becoming curious. Again, asking questions

can sometimes unlock potential that you guys didn’t know, was

even there to express your needs. And to tell the other

person, what you really want not only makes you feel good about

yourself, but also makes the other person see that you trust

them, and that you want a strong bond with them. And that in and

of itself, is very strengthening for a relationship. You know,

you guys are married, you want to stay together for life, you

have to be able to fully open up, because you don’t want to

die one day and know that you had to hide this part of

yourself because you were scared to feeling judged. You have to

be able to trust your partner fully, and allow yourself to

grow and express yourself and be a trustworthy partner and do the

same for your partner. So I feel that wasn’t the last episode

that I put out

here for marital conflict. But the first we covered here was

the lessening the undivided attention, the curiosity for

your partner, playfulness, and then intimacy, how to be

intimate with your partner again, because most of the time,

it is your one and only person that you want to be intimate

with. But let’s not allow it to become shallow and routine.

Let’s dive a little deeper again and create deep, satisfying

relationships. Thank you so much for listening today. I will be

out there very soon again. And if this topic is of interest to

you, please shoot me a message and I’ll put out there more

content about it. Until next time,