Aurora Eggert Coaching

Unknown: 00:00:07

Hello, and welcome to the Borealis experience. I’m

Unknown: 00:00:10

your host Aurora. And I’m very happy to be spending some time

Unknown: 00:00:14

with you today. This episode is requested by a dear lesson. I’m

Unknown: 00:00:22

very excited to address this marital conflicts. Because I

Unknown: 00:00:28

feel a lot of people struggle in their relationships. And in

Unknown: 00:00:34

talking about it and reflecting about it, and seeing how we can

Unknown: 00:00:39

change ourselves. And in doing so, positively influencing our

Unknown: 00:00:44

relationships, we can become stronger individuals, stronger,

Unknown: 00:00:51

couples, a stronger society. If you like this podcast, make sure

Unknown: 00:00:57

to subscribe. I welcome everybody who is new to my

Unknown: 00:01:01

podcast here. so wonderful to have you. And I’m so grateful

Unknown: 00:01:06

for all the listeners who have been here since the beginning.

Unknown: 00:01:12

If you want to give back, if you want to show appreciation, hop

Unknown: 00:01:17

onto Apple podcast and leave me a five star review. This will

Unknown: 00:01:22

make it easy for people to find me and is a big thumbs up to my

Unknown: 00:01:30

work, which I would appreciate greatly. Thank you so much. All

Unknown: 00:01:35

right, let’s dive into this. I’m assuming that you married a

Unknown: 00:01:40

person that you love and respect that you are attracted to. And

Unknown: 00:01:48

that you see potential in your relationship you want to build

Unknown: 00:01:54

and create. You got to know them a little bit beforehand, you

Unknown: 00:02:00

feel comfortable with them. Maybe they are a friend to you,

Unknown: 00:02:06

also a lover, a respected partner. But sometimes after a

Unknown: 00:02:12

couple years, things go astray and things change and

Unknown: 00:02:18

relationships change. And I want to explore a little bit why this

Unknown: 00:02:24

happens. I feel that a lot of times we take our partner for

Unknown: 00:02:29

granted. And we start slacking off. We make assumptions about

Unknown: 00:02:38

how they think and who they are. And we kind of dive off into our

Unknown: 00:02:45

world and maybe work on ourselves or focus on ourselves.

Unknown: 00:02:51

And then all of a sudden you wake up next to your partner one

Unknown: 00:02:54

day, and you don’t even really know who this is anymore. You

Unknown: 00:03:00

live in the same house sleep in the same bed. But he don’t

Unknown: 00:03:05

really have the strong bond between you guys anymore. And

Unknown: 00:03:10

there’s many, many things you can do in order to refresh a

Unknown: 00:03:16

relationship in order to fix relationship issues. And this is

Unknown: 00:03:21

what I want to talk about with you today. The number one thing

Unknown: 00:03:25

that is very important to keep track of is how much time do you

Unknown: 00:03:32

spend together? And is this time? spend wisely? Do you just

Unknown: 00:03:38

sit on top of each other and he is on his phone and she is on

Unknown: 00:03:42

her iPad? Or in front of the TV? What are the things that you do

Unknown: 00:03:48

when you spend time together? Is it fulfilling? Or is it just

Unknown: 00:03:53

boring routine? Do you give each other full presence? When your

Unknown: 00:04:00

partner wants to tell you something? Do you actually put

Unknown: 00:04:03

your phone away and any other distractions you newspaper or

Unknown: 00:04:09

whatever it could be and fully listen to your partner? And then

Unknown: 00:04:13

what is really the art of listening? Do they talk and you

Unknown: 00:04:19

think of your response already and how you want to get back to

Unknown: 00:04:23

them? Or do you just listen and read body language and read what

Unknown: 00:04:32

the main messages here? And after they’ve done talking he

Unknown: 00:04:39

just wait and see a little bit? Do they want to vent? Do they

Unknown: 00:04:45

want advice? Your opinion? Do they want to express to you how

Unknown: 00:04:51

they feel. Being able to truly listen is a life changer in

Unknown: 00:04:59

relationships. And I didn’t want to wait till the end of the

Unknown: 00:05:02

episode because I wanted you

Unknown: 00:05:04

to know right away that it is a very easy task to do. And so

Unknown: 00:05:11

powerful and important in order to nurture intimate

Unknown: 00:05:17

relationships, but also friendships. So when you listen

Unknown: 00:05:22

to somebody, what’s yourself from now on? Do you want to jump

Unknown: 00:05:26

in and interrupt them? Do you want to jump in and throw your

Unknown: 00:05:30

opinion on the table and how you feel? Or can you let them speak

Unknown: 00:05:35

out. And for me, when I started doing that, I noticed how

Unknown: 00:05:40

impatient I was getting, I wanted to get my opinion out

Unknown: 00:05:43

there, I wanted to get my advice out there because I wanted to

Unknown: 00:05:48

help them right away. But when we do that, we oftentimes miss

Unknown: 00:05:53

out on critical information, we pressure the other person, and

Unknown: 00:05:58

we don’t make them feel heard. And, you know, so many times I,

Unknown: 00:06:04

I see, like women, or even men who are like, Oh, my partner

Unknown: 00:06:08

cheated on me. And I don’t even know what happened. And why is

Unknown: 00:06:13

this and stuff what the side person was usually a good

Unknown: 00:06:17

listener, was able to feel the emotions of the other and add

Unknown: 00:06:24

and respond adequately. So I feel if we learn to listen to a

Unknown: 00:06:30

partner again, then we can create that sweet intimacy to

Unknown: 00:06:36

each other, which will reduce the likelihood

Unknown: 00:06:41

of cheating. Now, we have listening. The next point I want

Unknown: 00:06:49

to address is the assumptions.

Unknown: 00:06:52

Oftentimes, we see our partner if we’ve been together with them

Unknown: 00:06:56

for a couple years. And we just think, yeah, we know exactly how

Unknown: 00:07:01

they think we know exactly what they do what they want in life.

Unknown: 00:07:07

And, yeah, this is just how it is. But if you could change this

Unknown: 00:07:12

a little bit, if you could see that your partner is allowed to

Unknown: 00:07:16

change over time. And it makes it even very excited, exciting

Unknown: 00:07:21

for you, if they change because they can open you up to a

Unknown: 00:07:24

complete new world. So you have to energetically and emotionally

Unknown: 00:07:31

give them that space, and that curiosity, to evolve and to

Unknown: 00:07:39

become someone new every day. And to not assume just because

Unknown: 00:07:45

they cheered for the Italians, Italian soccer players, that

Unknown: 00:07:52

they love spaghetti, and that they love to go to Rome for the

Unknown: 00:07:55

next trip of vacation. If you know what I mean here, we have

Unknown: 00:08:01

to sometimes kind of force ourselves to be curious about

Unknown: 00:08:08

people that we know for a long time, because it will give the

Unknown: 00:08:12

other person an opportunity to grow an opportunity to see that

Unknown: 00:08:18

you are genuinely interested. And that you give them the space

Unknown: 00:08:25

and you allow them to grow and evolve. And this is such a

Unknown: 00:08:31

precious gift to start new hobbies together to Yeah, maybe

Unknown: 00:08:38

you guys were both not sporty and physically active in the

Unknown: 00:08:44

past, but maybe you want to try something new. So to allow

Unknown: 00:08:48

novelty and to maybe even schedule it that once a month,

Unknown: 00:08:53

you do something new, you go to a place that you guys have never

Unknown: 00:08:59

been before you try a hobby that you’ve never tried before. And

Unknown: 00:09:04

to just be playful again, I feel a lot of times we forget about

Unknown: 00:09:08

the importance of playfulness. When it comes to physical

Unknown: 00:09:15

attraction. Remember how attracted you were at the

Unknown: 00:09:20

beginning of your relationship to your partner and how it is

Unknown: 00:09:27

nowadays is still very attracted and curious. Do you still

Unknown: 00:09:31

explore new things or do you deeply appreciate your partner’s

Unknown: 00:09:39

body with all the flaws with with everything that it has to

Unknown: 00:09:44

offer? partner massage is a very good thing to get intimate again

Unknown: 00:09:52

and asking questions that she it’s very scary territory to

Unknown: 00:09:59

you. To walk on at the beginning, but it is so

Unknown: 00:10:02

incredibly important to also there. Stay curious, what do you

Unknown: 00:10:09

need? What do you want? am I touching you the way that it is

Unknown: 00:10:14

good for you? Or am I only doing what I think is good for you.

Unknown: 00:10:19

So, also, they’re becoming curious. Again, asking questions

Unknown: 00:10:25

can sometimes unlock potential that you guys didn’t know, was

Unknown: 00:10:32

even there to express your needs. And to tell the other

Unknown: 00:10:42

person, what you really want not only makes you feel good about

Unknown: 00:10:46

yourself, but also makes the other person see that you trust

Unknown: 00:10:52

them, and that you want a strong bond with them. And that in and

Unknown: 00:10:58

of itself, is very strengthening for a relationship. You know,

Unknown: 00:11:06

you guys are married, you want to stay together for life, you

Unknown: 00:11:12

have to be able to fully open up, because you don’t want to

Unknown: 00:11:16

die one day and know that you had to hide this part of

Unknown: 00:11:20

yourself because you were scared to feeling judged. You have to

Unknown: 00:11:25

be able to trust your partner fully, and allow yourself to

Unknown: 00:11:30

grow and express yourself and be a trustworthy partner and do the

Unknown: 00:11:38

same for your partner. So I feel that wasn’t the last episode

Unknown: 00:11:47

that I put out

Unknown: 00:11:48

here for marital conflict. But the first we covered here was

Unknown: 00:11:55

the lessening the undivided attention, the curiosity for

Unknown: 00:12:02

your partner, playfulness, and then intimacy, how to be

Unknown: 00:12:09

intimate with your partner again, because most of the time,

Unknown: 00:12:14

it is your one and only person that you want to be intimate

Unknown: 00:12:20

with. But let’s not allow it to become shallow and routine.

Unknown: 00:12:28

Let’s dive a little deeper again and create deep, satisfying

Unknown: 00:12:34

relationships. Thank you so much for listening today. I will be

Unknown: 00:12:40

out there very soon again. And if this topic is of interest to

Unknown: 00:12:44

you, please shoot me a message and I’ll put out there more

Unknown: 00:12:49

content about it. Until next time,