Aurora Eggert Coaching

Hello, this is Aurora, and I’m very excited to announce

today that I have an interview for you with Sean Dustin, check

ut his podcast called nowhere o go. But up now, very

nspiring interviews he has here and his work is just very

ncredible, very raw, genuine. nd he puts so much love and

ork into it, and has incredible uests with crazy good,

nteresting knowledge that it ill blow your mind or really

ouch your heart at times, w started talking and decided t

create series for you, we wil come up with a title soon. Wher

we talk about abuse, both Shaw and I have been abusive in ou

past with our partners, no physically abusive, bu

emotionally and mentally. And w want to talk about it, be ope

about it, and give people platform where they can shar

their experiences their journey But also, yeah, just for peopl

who want to understand what i going on when a person i

behaving aggressively emotionally or mentally. S

enjoy this conversation, it wil be the first one of many

hopefully. And, yeah, this i gonna be an awesome projec

here, just for you. Thanks fo listening. Bye bye

I’m a formerly abusive person. it’s taken me a long time to b

able to say that without, it w s really hard for me to get tha

out, you know, at a certain oint in my life, you know, maybe

about a year ago, up to the , you know, it’s something th

t I’ve done throughout all of my relationships, I’ve had five

that have failed so far from he time I was, I would say 18 ti

that’s a long, long list, and a long period of abusive typ

of behavior. Now, you kno , I’m not proud of it. And I t

ink that both of us can agree ere that, you know, the reason

hat we’re doing this isn’t to rag, or to, you know, glorif

in any way whatsoever, you kno , our behavior. I’m speaking f

r myself, and I’m pretty su e that low overall you feel

he same way. And yeah, I mean, I used to be verbally, very verb

lly abusive, emotionally abu ive, I was never reall

a physically abusive person, yo know, although I did have

ullying kind of behavior, where would block doorways, or keep

he door shut from from opening. ‘ve, you know, shoved my sig

ificant other before or would p rposely get in the way and wou

d bump them. You know, just al the kinds of things that you

ould expect from somebody wh was immature, you know, h

nestly, and not very emotional y intelligent, not, you know

when I didn’t get my way is sually when it would rear its

gly head. Yeah. And in order for me to bend them to my will,

would use intimidation and stu f like that on when I would fe

l like when I would get so an ry to the point where I’d want t

hit them. I knew that I couldn t. I mean because I get in trou

le. It’s not because I didn’t ant to or didn’t think about d

ing it. It’s I knew I would ge in trouble and go to jail. S

that was greater a deterrent, then just it not being the

ight thing to do. Right. Do s that make sense? Yeah, tot

lly. And, and so I would do ther things that I knew that

would hurt him, I would atta k their issues. You know, i

you were overweight, I would ttack you there. If you had som

sort of other thing that I kn w that was that you didn’t?

don’t know, you get what I’m saying? You know, it was just

I was just a mean person. Ye h. And it was because I was

‘t happy with me. You know, I wa n’t happy with the person t

at I was inside. I wasn’t, yo know, if I was attacking,

ou know, somebody for thei weight. What I’d figured out

post was, I struggle with eight. So it wasn’t really them

hat I was attacking, it was me t at I was attacking and projec

ing it onto them.

Mm hmm.

And a lot of that, you know, there was some of that tied in

there. And then there was just some fear, you know, a lot of

fear goes into wind. So when you’re afraid of somebody losing

you, then you’ve tried to control them, are you are you

losing them, because of the behaviors that you that I

created? Right. And so, I mean, there was a lot of that, that

was involved in how I was. And, you know, I often say that, you

know, and I don’t condone hitting anybody, but when

somebody hits you, or you know, may physically hurt you, that

goes away in a couple of days. You know, this, the scar or the,

the, the bruise, whatever it is that that goes away, and yeah,

you’re pissed at him. But that’s about where it ends, right? When

when you attack somebody emotionally or verbally, and

start playing on their issues and attacking who they are at

the fabric, that doesn’t go away. That stays for a long time

sometimes. And sometimes it stays forever. So in my opinion,

when I think about you know what I’ve done in my behavior, I like

I’m worse than somebody that that I was worse than somebody

that physically abused somebody, because the lasting impacts of

what I did, lasted far beyond probably the person that you

know, physically abused somebody. Now, that may be the

wrong way to look at it. I don’t know, I’m not a professional.

And you know, I’m not giving professional advice here at all.

I’m just talking about my own personal experience, my own

behavior, and how I dealt with it and how it impacted me and

the people around me.

Yeah. Wow, thank you for sharing all this. And one thing I want

to add, before I start opening up more about my stuff is when

it comes to physical abuse, or let’s say it a different way,

emotional abuse, verbal abuse is very destructive and aggressive.

But when it comes to physical abuse, it also leaves scars like

not visibly, but to then fear your partner, because men are

usually always stronger than the woman to then suddenly have that

fear from the physical pain from your partner, where you want to

be open and vulnerable, physically, is intense, and

really, really hard to get out of your system. So I think it’s

both pretty much the same. And it’s good that you only did the

emotional part, but the physical part is, is very deeply scarring

as well.

From my experience,

yeah, and see that they’re like, I don’t know, that side of it.

So I mean, maybe I may be even speaking out of out of, you

know, context there. Or, you know, since I don’t have that

perspective, maybe I shouldn’t make maybe I shouldn’t comment

and say that it’s that one’s worse than the other.

Mm hmm. Yeah, no, it’s just that I can speak from experience when

it comes to that. And I’m glad to know that you only engaged in

one part of abuse and not both. Because the physical abuse goes

because far too And yeah, so I will talk about myself a little

bit now and what behavior I brought to light or however you

want to call it. First thing that comes to mind is feeling

deeply insecure and being very, very controlled. Have the other

person like never trusting, always questioning, nagging,

wanting to be one step ahead of them, which is if it’s a good

guy who has good intentions, like kind of already said, like,

I don’t want to get in trouble with that girl, I love her. But

this side is kind of really scary. And then the silent

treatment, yeah, when something was not going my way to just not

answer the phone to ghost people and to be completely gone, and

then not knowing what they did wrong, because I never would

communicate it. I was just behaving strangely, and

punishing the other person, emotionally. And then also, the

hot and cold games. So whenever I felt like the person wants to

be very close and intimate, I would show the cold shoulder and

wait for them to cool off again, and then make them dependent on

me again. And whenever they come back, show the cold shoulder

again. And now looking back, I noticed that it’s all very

subtle, and people can’t really put a finger on it, yet. They

feel what’s going on, but they can’t really call me out on it.

I don’t know if that makes sense. Like, you drive the other

person crazy. And you blame them for stuff that they’re doing

yet. You are the one who should be called out on something. So

see I have even difficulties to put it into words, but I know

that something I was like

yeah, that sounds a little like gaslighting. Yeah, in a way.

Yes. You know, and yeah, I remember doing stuff like that

where I would just I would start arguments for no reason.

Oh, just fun of it. Just to this person.

Yeah. I would hate it when it got done to me. And

yes, yeah. And then to have that kind of friction would also

mean, all that person is 100% focused on me now. And not

looking at other women. Because we’re having that fight now and

it’s very intense energy. So having a fight to distract from

everything outside just to have the attention of the other

person. Huh?

Yeah, that’s, that’s pretty calculating. Oh, yeah.

It’s, it’s horrible. It’s like, makes me feel very bad looking

back. But I think that’s, that’s what we do at times when we feel

powerless or insecure. And just, yes, so scared to lose the other

person because they might be seeing what is inside of us. And

it’s not beautiful, what we have inside of us, what we think we

see right?

So what do you like for you? What do you think that that?

Like? What did you tie that to that? You know, what were you

afraid of? What were you? Like, what, what are your insecurities

about? like? What does that what does that look like?

Um, I think I was deeply ashamed of my behavior every time I

engaged in it. And I was very insecure about other women who

always in my mind seem to have it all together and have the

perfect life and being perfectly functioning individuals. And I

was always more of a dreamer, or didn’t want to get caught in a

job too long and kind of a free spirit. But to too insecure

about it not not okay about it. So every time I had a partner,

and there was a female around who would be structured and well

behaved and everything, I would think, oh, what I’m not even

worth of the sky, and then create all that drama to see

what about maybe he loves me? And then he’s gonna stick around

and if not, well, I’m going to go over to the next person and

so deep rooted and security about who I am who I was in

society, I think

the I mean, is it when you say like a free spirit. When I think

of that I think of like, you know, someone who’s not

responsible isn’t like, like goal driven, like, has a

retirement like mapped out, you know, I think of my x when I

think of this, you know, she had the house, the the job, the car,

you know, all of the things, you know, they 150 credit score, you

know, all of these things that are earmarks in our society of

what, you know, a successful person looks like, like on

paper, right. And I, I feel I can totally understand where

you’re coming from, because I mean, I always felt, I always

felt like I was, you know, because I went to prison. And

I’m not as far along as the people that, you know, I went to

high school with, you know, they’ve, they’re all on that

track. Yeah. And like, here, here, I am, like, still, you

know, treading water trying to figure out how to how to get

into the boat. Right? Yeah. And that insecurity tends to have

like, a self fulfilling prophecy that’s attached to it. Because

when you run around, you know, feeling that way about yourself,

and then trying to control everything around us and like,

who our partner, you know, talks to and, and, you know, let’s not

go over here to, you know, that person may, if you talk to that

guy, he’s got it all together, maybe you’ll start thinking

that, you know, I’m, I’m not worth it, you know, like, now I

need to be looking, I need to be looking up here. And versus, you

know, slimming it down here with this dude.

Yeah, exactly. And then what also didn’t help us that I grew

up in a family where really threw in German, German, you see

through the bank. So through the entire family. The guys were

always the dominant, aggressive, go getters. And the women were

always raising the children, cooking and getting everything

ready for the man to come home. So early on, I observed there

kind of, yeah, those power games, and it made me so. so

incredibly angry. So I think growing up being impurity, and

then in my 20s, I had it in the back of my mind that I will

never be dominated by a guy, like my mom and grandmother was,

like, no one is ever gonna fuckin Tell me what I’m going to

do. Because I’m the boss. So and then having those two things

united inside of my chest, made it very confusing for people to

get to know me, because on one side, I am that girl who cooks

for you, and who waits for you at home. But the next day, I

might be the other chick who’s like, well, I’m gonna go fucking

drink with my girls, and I’m not gonna answer my phone, and

you’re going to see what you’re going to do with your life.

Right? And so total mindfuck

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that’s, I can, I can see, I can see that the

picture that you were painting there?

Yeah. A messy one.

I mean, a lot of it ties back to how we were raised in, you know,

what our life was like. And our upbringing was like, in, you

know, what our influences were, that, you know, that particular

time in my, in your, in our lives, right, you know, for

myself, I can, I can say, that my father, and I didn’t, I

didn’t witness any of this. You know, I was told a lot of the

stories that, you know, from him, and my mom’s marriage and

the abuse that took place there. And a lot of it was verbal, and

you know, exactly the same thing that I played out, but, but you

know, not having not seen that, like, how did I? How did I end

up repeating it? Which is crazy, right? And so, I must have seen

something or unless it’s just, you know, the transfers through

the DNA, you know, genetically, yeah. You know, I don’t know.

And so, I know, I was really angry when I was growing up,

because my parents got a divorce. And then they used me,

they abused me as like a pawn to get back at each other, right?

And I would go to my mom, my dad’s on the weekends, and, you

know, my grandparents would be, you know, calling my mom, a

bitch. And she’s all these things and all these bad things.

And like, that’s all they would do the whole time. And then when

I would come home, I would say the same thing to my mom, I’d be

I would be furious that I was being dropped off. And then as

soon as the door was shut, and my dad was gone, and I you know,

cry furiously, and and I hate you, I hate you. You’re such a

bitch and done it. You know, and I would bring all that back on

her. Right. Yeah. So for for a kid that was, you know, a lot to

deal with. And then so I would just act out, you know, in

school and you know, in social situations, and I was a bully

and in grade school too. You know, all that stuff was

starting really young. Mm hmm.

Well, cuz How old were you when your parents divorced?

Five?

Shit. Yeah. And of course, like your baby brain, like downloads

everything without questioning how you see stuff. And you think

well, that’s reality. That’s how things are supposed to be. And

the stuff that is ugly and not so nice. I feel the younger the

children are, the more they live in denial of it, because you

can’t your your parents are your heroes, they are giving you

shelter, food and the love they can give. So in our mind and our

children, brains mind, they’re not. It’s not possible for them

to be evil. So I think that’s what what I did. What happened

in my brain is that it was okay to treat people like that,

because this is what I download it. This is what is okay,

because my daddy is awesome. Right? I’m never going to

question him. Because if I was to question him, they could cut

me out of the family. And yeah, let me die. So it’s it’s very,

very, yeah, intense what a child’s brain goes through when

when it comes to divorce. Like, I think it’s still so

underestimated. Especially when it was, yeah.

Yeah, know, what to say is what was the point at which you

decided, you know, like, what was the straw that broke the

camel’s back that said, you know, what, I’ve got to change.

What, what brought you to that point?

That’s a beautiful question. I’d like that. Um, so after a huge

on my grandma’s farm here in the forest. And all of a sudden, I

found myself in that forest with my thoughts and with my

memories, because wherever you go, you bring yourself with,

right, you bring all the bullshit that you wanted to

escape with to that beautiful island or forest in my case. And

I just went back to the fights that I had with my partner. And

all of a sudden, like, wasn’t birth perspective and saw all

the stuff that I was doing that would make him mad, and that

would make him act out and be aggressive. Also, my mom came to

join here. And living close with my mom again, I suddenly saw

stuff. That would totally make sense why my dad would act out,

back then, and my childhood. And I was like, Yeah, my daddy was

aggressive. And there’s, you know, stuff. But that behavior

would totally drive me nuts, too. And I would also be

aggressive and, and all of a sudden react like my dad. And it

was like, Oh, my God, I’m becoming like, my dad, I don’t

want to be that person. And so I became aware of how women can

drive man nuts. without it being overtly, you know, covertly. And

I was able to, with all the time and space I had here, to look

back to a shed did I copy and paste stuff from my mom and did

this with my partners? And do I want to be doing that in the

future? Hell no. And then, to sit with the ad is so ugly. I

bet you know that feeling. But you’re like, Oh, shit, I want to

call that person and apologize. No, I can’t because I don’t

exist for them anymore. Or, I want to turn back in time, and I

don’t know that was a couple years back now. And now I’m

aware of that behavior and still not the perfect, awesome person,

but at least I’m aware of But now and know where it’s kind of

coming from, and then I can sit in stillness and not hate myself

as much anymore.

Are you? Are you aware of your triggers? Have you sort of, you

know, pinpointed what those are? And if you have, what do you do

now? Because I don’t know, have you dated since then, since

you’ve been there? where you’re at? You know, is anything? You

know that or is it just been? You sort of been on like this

self learning? mission, since you got to your location now.

And then just trying to figure out, you know, you and why you

did the things that you did? And, you know, what are your

triggers? And how do you? How do you navigate them once you once

they come up?

Mm hmm. So I’ve been dating ever since. And what I noticed is

that, I do that with a thing where I name my triggers. So for

instance, I get very hangry when I don’t eat enough during the

day. So I call that a certain name. And every time I feel

those emotions coming up, and being impatient with people, and

everything that gets between me and my food is like, I noticed

when I get to that point now, and I’m able to kind of breeze

myself out of it, or laugh about it or talk about it to the

people around me. And then when it comes to other triggers. So

time for me is a huge thing. I’m an absolute. When it comes to

being late, like with us right now, I couldn’t figure out the

internet thing. And I knew I was going to be late and everything

kind of shifts, and I panic. So when a person is supposed to

meet me at a certain time, and they’re late. Holy shit. So

good to know.

It’s, it’s so it’s so bad. And it is not, it is not when I sit

at home and waiting for Shawn to come online it is when I’m

sitting in a restaurant, or at a meeting point where there is

that fear of abandonment, abandonment. So I’m coming up

and being like, Whoa, that person is not going to show up.

Whoa, I’m being left, I’m being replaced by another person. So

all that comes up. And now when it happens, I just noticed that

huge anger coming up and try to see the best in the other person

and try to think, oh, maybe they broke down. Or maybe they have a

problem. Maybe I should go ask if they you know, but not right

away, not after five minutes after half an hour because I

would call after two minutes and be like, passively aggressive,

like, Oh, can I help you out? Like you’re not there. So, let

it sit and know that instant reaction is not going to help me

sit with it for a moment and trust that the other person is

is going to be there and not gonna let you down. So it’s kind

of a self talk and learning to be patient thing for me.

Yeah, the anxiety, anxiety, you know, triggers thoughts, which

you know, thoughts? is absent, we’ve fill in the blank with

whatever narrative comes to mind. Right?

Oh, and it’s always in those case.

Yeah. Right. And so getting out of that habit is really

important. Because unless you ask somebody you know what you

could I mean, I’ve done this too. I’ve done this at work not

even in a relationship situation, right? Something that

I screwed up at work and you know, I didn’t say anything

about it. And you know, I worked this whole scenario up into my

head of worst case and like all of the things that could have

happened and you know, what, what was it in you know, by the

time that you know, I finished in almost probably got myself

fired for no reason. I was like, Oh my God, my mind just ran with

this and it went from point A to point B and like, it was just me

and my thoughts. You know, there was nobody else even involved in

the in this. And like, I I whipped up this entire scenario

that was unnecessary.

Yeah. Yeah. And so I learned to see that as a little misbehave

child, my brain, and to just turn the volume down and sit it

in a corner and look at it, and know that this is all made up.

This is all made up, and it’s gonna bring me nowhere. So you

better chill the fuck out now have a glass of water? And yeah,

so it’s hard. It’s like, having to go to the gym and train a

muscle that you have never worked before? To do that kind

of stuff. I guess it’s but it’s worth it. It’s

Yeah, well, I mean, a lot of the a lot of the work that we’re

talking about is is what they would consider Shadow Work.

Yeah. Which is your subconscious, you know, habits

or behaviors that take place behind the scenes when, you

know, you don’t even realize it. And so a lot of the behaviors

that, you know, are associated with with and this is just my

opinion, you know, I’m not, I’m not a professional. I’m not a

licensed mental health counselor, I’ve just from

dealing with my own self. Yeah. And realizing some of the the

messed up crap that I have done in the past and, you know,

sometimes do today, not as often, that’s for sure. And it’s

definitely never as bad as it was, you know, cuz I’m really

good at it. nipping it, like catching it before it even you

know, before I push send, right? Yeah, I’m still I’m still into

the writing the text when I catch it now before it’s like,

you know, I push send, and it’s, I can’t get it back. But I mean,

they’re the behaviors that go on in there learned over years, you

know, years from the time were kids to, you know, whatever

relationship that you went into, and like the first one that I

destroyed, you know, I didn’t learn anything from it. I

learned what I didn’t, what I didn’t like about it. And

usually it was me blaming the other person, you know, it was

all their fault. You know, if only they were this way, this

wouldn’t have happened and whatever, right. But that

behavior, it just hitchhikes into the next relationship,

because you haven’t dealt with it. And that underlying stuff

that you know, that shadow behavior is still there, and

it’s still present. It’s still strong as hell, and waiting to

in waiting to unleash on the next person that it comes

across. Right? Yeah,

exactly.

Ah,

it’s embarrassing. You know, it’s embarrassing. When you have

to come to face with yourself. Oh, yeah. And how you act?

Yeah. And I don’t know if you experienced that, too. Maybe

before your new partner knows that side about you. They’re

like, holy shit, like, you seem so confident and calm and? And

how does like where does that come from? You know, like them

not not being able to make sense of it. Because we have a very

confident side, we have a very calming, soothing vibe. So

that’s what people expect to get. And then they unwrap the

package and see

Holy shit.

There’s some

Yeah, I have an explanation for that. So, you know, when doors

have always open for me, right? And I think a lot of that has to

do with you know, but looks you can say that you can say looks,

you can say charisma charm, you know, personality, whatever that

is, you know, I was always able to get into doors. Yeah. Dang

was the hard part or being or being asked to stay was the hard

part because usually, you can’t if you’re if you’re not

authentically being you, right, Austin? It Right. It’s

exhausting. And in pieces of the real you always end up coming

out. Right. And so you know, I about three months is my is

about the max that I can fake it. Right? And then little

pieces of of the real me if that’s, you know, what I was

trying to do? What would start you know, showing you know, and

behaviors or look like No man certain thing is, or, you know,

my anger would pop up, or I would be passive aggressive

about something, or, you know, something would show up and you

would, you would be able to see. And a lot of the times when that

what happened, like you talk about instead of dealing with

the monster, it’s easier to just ghost the situation. Right and

just I’m out, I don’t want to deal with you. And, or it keeps

you from actually getting closer to somebody because of that

potential. Right? You don’t want to, you don’t want anybody to be

able to point that out about you know, that that’s who you are.

And, and so there’s been times when I’ve, I’ve even gotten to a

relationship once and you know, we ended up you know, I don’t

drink a whole lot. But we I drank a little bit too much at

night, and I do, that’s when the the monster starts coming out,

too. And my anger starts getting released. And, you know, I

started getting like I said, that guy started coming out. And

I don’t remember a whole lot about the evening, but I, you

know, was reminded about it in the morning. And she said, Yeah,

I locked myself in the bathroom, because I was afraid to you

know, I was like, I don’t even I don’t remember that. And, and so

I was like, instead of trying to even deal with it, how I dealt

with it was, well, if you’re bringing that out in me, then I

don’t want to have you around me. Because I don’t want to be

responsible for what happens. Or any of it. Right?

Yeah, like, I

don’t want I don’t like that dude. And I don’t want him out.

And I don’t want him around. And if you if if had been around,

you brought that out, then I need to get rid of you. Yeah,

she was actually a really cool person. I mean, she drank a

little bit too much. But I mean, other than that, I mean, she

was, you know, a really good person nice to me, you know,

was, you know, but I mean, that’s, that’s what this

creates, when you don’t deal when you don’t deal with it.

And, you know, so I mean, the last two years, that’s all I’ve

been doing is really talking to people on my podcast

professionals, you know, people life coaches, if I’m struggling

with somebody, something, I’ll bring them on the show. And I’ll

start asking them questions. And you know, trying to get answers

that way. And yet, part of it’s because I’m cheap. I don’t want

to pay I don’t want to pay for the service. Right? And so I’ve

used the the podcast as to like, hey, look, I’m helping promote,

you

know, we know what you’re doing.

I’m helping promote you. But you know, you’re helping me too,

because I’m struggling with something and I need some

answers.

That is so cool. I love I love how transparent you were there.

But it also brings the listeners on the journey as well, to my

you know, transition, my change my evolution, you know, you’re

following not only a show and content and what I’m putting

out, but you’re also following me. And in my journey to finding

myself.

Yeah, yeah, no, that’s so beautiful. That’s awesome. How

is it for you? Because right now, you mentioned that looking

back, you can see that kind of behavior. So instead of leaving

the other person next time, can you imagine, like telling them

what you’re struggling with? And what makes you feel insecure? or

How can you or stating totally done for you and never ever

again?

No, no. I mean, I have a girlfriend. And you know, she

lives with me. She has she I’ve known her since I started this

whole podcasting journey. Yeah, so she’s experienced some of the

asshole. She’s experienced a lot of my dysfunctional behavior.

But she’s also pretty stubborn, and is like, well, you’re not

going to get rid of me that fast. Just because you don’t

just because you’re, you know, you don’t want to deal with you.

You know, getting rid of me is not the answer. Once you start

once you start dealing with you and figuring out you, and I’m

here for you. And you know what it means for you to figure this

out, because I see more in you than you see in you. Yeah, and

that in that aspect. Yeah, you know, so. I mean, I’m, I don’t

know I’m not. I’ve always thought about like, I probably

Be a be a great candidate for an open relationship. But I don’t

know, I’m also in a place to where, like, I have the show, I

have my, my daughter, I have the, the nonprofit that I

started that I’m trying to do. So I mean, there’s a lot of

things that are tied in with me, trying to elevate myself to

where I need to go. So I mean, I’m pretty selfish with my time

too. And, you know, and I’m trying to work on not being so

self centered in that matter where I’m like, I guess, I guess

the word would be self absorbed. You know, like, my journey, my

show my love My, my, my, my, this is what I’m doing. And, you

know, if you don’t, don’t get in the way of it.

But knowing a little bit about your history, not all of it, but

a little bit. I mean, you’re out there functioning, helping other

people. And I’m sure you had times where you thought, Oh, my

God, I’m gonna be out of jail. I was a mess before I got today,

our day was not awesome time. So what am I gonna do with my life,

and now, you found something that doesn’t even feel like

work. And you bring people so much peace and joy. Of course,

you got to cling to that with all your mind. Like, you’re not

just being a workaholic and being selfish with your time.

You’re out there helping people, right? So don’t you hard on

yourself.

But one, one thing that I can say in as one of the big things

that, like I’ve caught myself doing, you know, when, like,

I’ll get when I feel my my temperature starting to boil,

right. And let’s say we’re in a knot knot like that to be the

beginning stages of an argument because she, she won’t argue

with me, she’s like, now you’re not gonna pull that with me.

She’s like, I’m just gonna walk, I’m just gonna walk away, and

you can argue with yourself. And but I’ve noticed, like, I caught

myself a couple of times, closing the distance between us

in that, like, trying to intimidate way where I’ve had to

go, Oh, shit. And like, back the back from way back up. Yeah, you

know, just, but it’s,

you know,

seven times, if you’re trying to change something like a bad

behavior or habit or something like that. It’s really difficult

to just turn it off. It’s almost impossible. Yeah, especially if

it’s enlightened and you as a person and how you are. Yeah,

and so like seven times is about the minimum that it takes for

you to fail. You know, to Okay, I don’t want to do this. And

then you do it. I said, I don’t want to do this anymore. And

then you do it. So about seven times is about the minimum that

you’re going to try before it starts to become Oh, okay, now

I’m recognizing when I’m doing it. Yeah. And I’m, I’m choosing

a different option. Yeah, that makes sense.

Mm hmm.

So I don’t know, hopefully, that helps some people out there that

are listening. I know, we’re rounding up on 230. And I gotta

make my way, my way out of here. My daughter is starting soccer

for the first time, and she’s only three and a half years old.

So we’re gonna be a bunch of littles out there. out there,

kicking the ball.

That is so cool. Soccer for girls is just awesome. Awesome.

Awesome. Awesome. Very good job. There.

Yeah, so I mean, I’m excited about going and hanging out and

watching her and doing a little recording and seeing all the

little kids trying to kick the ball.

Yeah. Oh, that’s adorable. So yeah, should we wrap up here?

Yeah, I mean, unless, I mean, I think that was a pretty good

start. You know, we we gave you guys a lot to chew on a lot of

transparency. A lot of authenticity here. Yeah, no, I

don’t usually hold back much when I talk about myself and the

behaviors that I’ve had, you know, and if anybody out there

resonates with either Aurora or myself and, you know, you want

to reach out and, you know, talk or you know, send an email in

and maybe we will read it on the next one about something that

you’re you’ve dealt with and, and how you kind of, you know,

navigated your way around it if you have, and if you haven’t,

that’s okay, too. You know, we’ll we’ll talk about that as

well.

Yeah, no, that’s beautiful. So don’t hold back to reach out to

Sean and yeah, we will be back Maybe next week, maybe we do it

bi weekly, whatever we we agree as best for our schedules. And

yeah, absolutely. What if they want to email you? What’s your

address?

Mm hmm. So for now, I just have my facebook account where you

can reach me best. It’s public. So Aurora, Eggert, Eg de RT, and

mentioned in your first message that you watch that show, and

you want to make a comment or something. And my podcast is

called the Borealis experience. If you want to check it out,

there’s a group also on Facebook that you’re very welcome to

join. Thank you so much.

Yeah, and if you want to, if you want to do the email route, you

can email my show at nowhere to go but up now@gmail.com like my

show right behind behind me over here. know where to go but up.

That’s the podcast. You can you know, if you want to reach me

there as well that link tree is probably the best way. And that

is right behind me there. Li nk tr dot e forward slash nowhere

to go but up. That’s the easiest way to connect with the show and

everything and all the social media and everything where the

show is. So I hope to hear from some of you out there,

especially some of the guys out there because we need to not

normalize this but but make the conversation okay.

Yeah.

Mm hmm. And you ladies too, because we’re not saying

Come on on board.

I did the first step. So yeah, if ever there’s something you’re

not proud of and want to get off of your chest, reach out to us.

Thank you so much,