Ep. 29 How to take criticism more gracefully [self-awareness]

Taking criticism gracefully

How do you react when somebody criticizes you ?

I feel the people who are compassionate and identify as empathic people, caregivers pretty much everybody who cares deeply about other people if they receive criticism usually hell breaks loose and I know I’m generalizing here but it’s definitely the case for me when I’m receiving criticism and I wanted to share with you how I learned to deal with criticism.

I will be talking about constructive criticism and criticism from a more negative place and how you can learn to create deeper connections through tricky situations like receiving criticism.

With much love

A.

This is a place where you can recharge your batteries, reconnect to yourself, 

really get to know yourself and find out what steps you can take to untangle

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Free yourself from the ongoing destructive inner chatter.

Discover who you are without all this clutter in your mind.

Let’s dive in and find out more about this juicy topic that will most likely affect you in one way or another. 

In this episode and many other episodes I touch on topics that I usually work on with my clients. Here in my podcast it will be targeted to a broad spectrum of people. If you’d like to go more into depth with a topic I address, reach out to me.

with love and much respect

Aurora

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Transcript
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Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I’m your host Aurora, life coach and companion

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on this beautiful journey called life now that I’m not scheduling

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in my recording of my podcasts anymore, I’m I don’t know, I

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feel that strong urge to be there to show up for you right

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before it was Monday and Thursday, I know I need to show

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up. And you need to have a topic that’s of interest, or

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addressing a topic that somebody requested. And now that it’s

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more easygoing, flowing, I can feel that this energy that wants

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to come out my, my mission, my vision is way stronger again.

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And I’m just so excited to be able to do this and to have you

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here. So please know that I appreciate you so much. And that

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I respect you so much. Because I know my content is, you know,

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sometimes very uncomfortable and challenging, yet you decide to

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keep coming back and you learn with me together, you grow with

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me together. And I find that so, so crazy good. So nurturing, so

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connecting, and so powerful. So a big, thank you for everybody

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here listening, and showing up. It’s just amazing. Today, I want

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to talk about criticism, and how to gracefully risk received

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criticism, I want to give you a little bit of an insight here.

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My whole podcast is kind of, it’s a build up. So if you’re

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just tuning in freshly I invite you to go back to season one and

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to work your way through because you will learn gradually and

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grow and progress with me together. And not all of the

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topics. But most of the topics I choose to talk about because it

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is stuff that I used to struggle with, or I’m still struggling

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with today. But I’ve learned to deal with things differently to

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approach certain problems, situations, from a different

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angle. And I’m in the process of growth and evolution, so to say.

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And I decided to talk about these topics, because maybe it’s

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new to you, or maybe have great value. And maybe you’re

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struggling with the exact same things as I do. And I can make

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you feel less alone. And I can create a space for you where you

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feel safe to ask questions where you feel safe to go to those

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vulnerable places, and where you feel good about letting go of

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old habits that don’t serve you anymore. So receiving criticism

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is a big topic for me still today. But back in the day, in

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my 20s it was a shitshow it was so horrible, especially in my

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intimate relationships. It was very difficult for my partner to

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signal or to communicate to me that something was off,

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something was not going the right way. And they need a

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change. Because the problem was, I can see that now that I highly

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identify with being an empathic person, a person who cares about

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others, a person who’s compassionate, and all that

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jazz. So I don’t allow myself to make mistakes. I always want

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people to feel good and comfortable. I always want to

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make sure that everybody is having fun and can be honest and

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can be open. Right? So I’m doing my best really when it comes to

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connections and relationships. So when I receive criticism I

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push back I not only push back but I explode. I implode right I

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shut down or I attack because I feel so embarrassed. I feel so

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yeah, embarrassed and angry and I can’t believe what I’m just

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hearing And of course, that’s highly uncomfortable for the

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person usually they don’t expect that because here’s the role are

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super chill super relaxed, super social and, you know, enjoyable

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to be around. Of course you can shoot shoot some, like criticism

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at her and she’s going to take it gracefully. But no,

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she doesn’t. She does not she has learned that she fights

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back. And it’s a huge shitshow. And I’ve learned along my

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journey that if I allow the other person, be it in a nice

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way they criticize me or in a little bit weird way and maybe

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even passive aggressive. That if I can take it in for a second

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and think about what was just said, and see that the other

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person wants to stay connected with me, they want to be in a

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relationship with me, be it a coworker, or boss or an intimate

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partner. I’m receiving criticism because they want to stay in a

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relationship with me, but they need things to go differently.

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They need me to change or to adapt. Right? Because the first

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thing I always thought is, when somebody criticizes me, I’m

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taking it. Like my whole personality is being criticized.

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And I’m being rejected and being, you know, thrown out of a

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community. I’m being faced with deep pain, but that’s my

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trigger. That’s my problem. The other person might have just

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said, Aurora, you’ve been really messy lately, again. Can we make

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sure that the house is a little bit more orderly? It doesn’t

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have to be sanitized? But can we have it a little bit more

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orderly? And then I can just sit there and be like, yeah,

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actually, you’re right. Actually, I didn’t care of

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myself as much and the last couple of weeks, and it’s gotten

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really messy. And of course, I’m gonna clean up. You’re right.

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I’m not wrong. But you’re right. And maybe I’m wrong, too. And

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that’s cool, too. Right to be okay. With somebody telling you.

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Hmm, can we do things differently? Or you fucked up

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here? Can we rectify this? Because it makes me feel

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horrible. So I invite you to look at yourself, and to see

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what you what your first thoughts are, when you’re being

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criticized? Do you feel attacked? Do you feel that the

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person is kind of a stick in your wheel? Do you feel you want

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to, you know, shut that person out of your life? Is it so

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uncomfortable? Or can you let your guard down and see that

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there’s some truth to their comment. And that if you decide

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to look into it a little bit further without feeling

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attacked, and maybe even by asking questions, to further

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understand where the other person’s criticism is coming to

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coming from sorry, then you can even deepen your relationship.

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And here’s some bonus points, girl. Right? Sometimes, we feel

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like different people from from all walks of life, react

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weirdly, in the same way, or criticize in the same way. Maybe

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there’s some truth to it. Right? There is something that they all

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have in common. And it is you. Maybe you can start look at

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yourself and see if there’s choose to what these people say.

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And again, sometimes they might be able to communicate very

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calmly and kindly. What makes them feel uncomfortable or what

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they need to see changing. But sometimes they might not find

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the right words, and then I invite you to go even further.

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And to jump over your feelings, your little ego feeling

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attacked, and trying to see like cut through the bullshit and try

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to see what is it that the person actually wants to

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communicate to me? She’s constantly nagging she’s

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constantly criticizing me. What is it just turn that volume

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down. It’s so annoying. But maybe you can help that person

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to express themselves in a way that you want to receive Give it

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that you want to change and understand. Right? So it’s a

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tricky one. I was very open with you at the beginning of this

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episode, I’m still struggling with that. But I recently

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realize that delivery comes from people who want to be working

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with you who want to be connected with you. And you’re

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not perfect,

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you’re not supposed to be perfect, you’re a human being

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who makes mistakes. So it’s okay to admit that you make mistakes.

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It’s okay to also stand up for yourself and to kind of, you

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know, justify a little bit why you do certain things certain

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ways. But not in a way that attacks the person back or, you

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know, allows you to keep engaging and shitty behavior,

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that’s not okay. Just know that we all have our coping

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mechanisms from back then when we needed to protect ourselves.

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Maybe you were in survival mode for way too long. And now your

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coping mechanisms are kind of your guard your shield that

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protects you from being too vulnerable. But if people are

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genuine with you, and if they want to connect with you, and

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stay connected with you in the future, then give them the

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benefit of the doubt. This is what I’ve learned. And it really

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helps to create deeper connections. And that’s what I

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wish for all of us. I wish for all of us that we know 100% who

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we are what we need, what we are standing for what we want in

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life. You don’t have to find out right away, but bit by bit,

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right having that direction you go towards that that little bit

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of a goal pass, let’s say and to have deep, meaningful

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connections that are honest and genuine. And Don’t pamper us.

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But show us where we can still grow, especially intimate

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relationships are going to show either what you still need to

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work on or what you’re really good at already. And the stuff

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that you’re not really good at already. You can have a look at

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it and you can learn and grow and evolve, expand. Alright, I’m

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gonna leave you with this. I’m going to wish you a good rest of

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your day. I really care about you. I care about connecting

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with you. Join me on facebook Aurora Eggert on Instagram

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Aurora Eggert coaching and yeah, I’m always happy to connect and

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receive episode topic requests. If there’s any topics that you

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want me to talk about in the future, please do not hold back.

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And if you feel the time is right to address your growth,

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your Evie evolution. Then have a look at my coaching side, Aurora

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eggert.com or contact me and we’ll talk about how I can

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support you on your journey towards yourself. All right.

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