Hey there,
Boys are loud.
Boys don’t cry.
Boys are misbehaved.
Boys are aggressive.
Boys need to be taught what is right and wrong.
What do you think happens to a little boys brain growing up hearing and feeling these words?
Do our preconceived thoughts about boys harm our society as a whole?
A.
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Transcript
Hello, hello,
Unknown:and welcome to the Borealis experience. I’m your host
Unknown:Aurora, and I’m very happy to be spending some time with you
Unknown:today.
Unknown:I hope you’re doing well, hope you’re in a good place. And if
Unknown:you’re not in a good place, I hope I can make you feel better
Unknown:make you feel understood and learn more.
Unknown:Okay.
Unknown:about the situation you are in right now. Yeah, today’s episode
Unknown:is about masculine energy, male role models. I don’t know, I
Unknown:feel like talking about this topic a lot. And I’m just not
Unknown:going to hold back anymore. A lot of people go through divorce
Unknown:nowadays. And most of the time, it is the mother who gets the
Unknown:custody of the children. It is the mother who yet takes care of
Unknown:the children and goes to work receives support financial
Unknown:support from her ex husband. And, yeah, this is how it is
Unknown:being organized. Some guys out there, manage and want to take
Unknown:care of their kids. And it is only I feel when the woman is
Unknown:struggling with mental health or other issues that the guy gets
Unknown:to take care of the children and go to work. And really, in every
Unknown:family is different. There’s some divorce cases that are
Unknown:super nasty, and it’s wars. And it’s struggle over years and
Unknown:lots of pain. And then there’s some people who just decide to
Unknown:separate and they have a beautiful, harmonious life,
Unknown:where they organize themselves and everything is going well.
Unknown:What I want to point out today, though, is that most of the time
Unknown:it is the mother, who raises the children and goes to work makes
Unknown:sure that everything is being provided.
Unknown:For the girls that are born or who live in a situation like
Unknown:that they grew up with a mom, they see their dad from time to
Unknown:time. Okay. For the little boys, they grew up with their siblings
Unknown:and their mom,
Unknown:and they see their dad from time to time. I feel that the
Unknown:presence of a father of a male role model in a boy’s childhood
Unknown:is so incredibly important. It’s very important for a daughter to
Unknown:grow up with her dad. But she grows up with her mom, she can
Unknown:copy and paste behavior from her mom. And it’s kind of Yeah, more
Unknown:natural for a girl to be growing up with her mom and her brother
Unknown:maybe. But for the little brother, he needs his dad, he
Unknown:needs to Yeah, learn from a role model from the same gender, how
Unknown:to go about life. And I feel the women who are trying to do both
Unknown:are usually overwhelmed. There’s women out there who do an
Unknown:amazing job. And they have a good relationship with their ex
Unknown:husband and make it very easy and possible for the children to
Unknown:see their dad on a regular basis. But for those where it’s
Unknown:not the case, I see it’s very difficult for the little boys to
Unknown:grow up and not having a positive masculine role model.
Unknown:They pick and choose maybe from movies from action heroes, comic
Unknown:books, maybe Yeah, they have friends that they can see as
Unknown:role models, but the dad is really missing here and
Unknown:Sometimes the women who went through a nasty divorce are
Unknown:angry at their husband or their exes. And it’s on a very subtle
Unknown:level, that the anger against the x husband is being taken out
Unknown:on the boy. And don’t get me wrong here, you don’t always
Unknown:have to go through divorce to have that hatred or fear of man,
Unknown:you can have been maybe raped or mistreated in your past as a
Unknown:woman, and still have that subtle fear and hatred against
Unknown:men. And you will, on a very subtle way, take it out on your
Unknown:male offspring, you will try and turn them into the perfect man
Unknown:who’s a bidding who’s submissive. But if he goes out
Unknown:there into the world, he will quickly realize that Oh shit,
Unknown:like, this is not how I’m going to get things done. I cannot be
Unknown:timid and submissive. I cannot be like I was raised and
Unknown:expected to behave from my mother. I heard this comment
Unknown:once, and it just made me like started, like, I was so shocked.
Unknown:It was a guy who said, boys are inherently bad, you have to
Unknown:break them, you have to break their character, you have to
Unknown:split open their brain and force goodness into them, because
Unknown:they’re inherently bad. And I can be open with you. At that
Unknown:time, it was my boyfriend’s dad.
Unknown:And
Unknown:I was so shocked to know that my boyfriend grew up with a dad,
Unknown:who thought he was inherently bad. And when people think that
Unknown:when people say such things, then of course, they behave that
Unknown:way too. And they will always, like overly control the little
Unknown:boy overly, like shut him down. And when he’s maybe angry and
Unknown:throwing a tantrum just because, yeah, he’s angry, and he wants
Unknown:to express himself. They will be beaten down, they will be, as he
Unknown:said, split open and goodness has to be poured into their
Unknown:little brains. Like this is so violent, this is so wrong.
Unknown:Because no matter which gender you have, you will grow up
Unknown:thinking that you are a bad person, you will grow up and
Unknown:believe those things about yourself and be shy and not
Unknown:trust people. Because you think people think you are a bad
Unknown:person. Isn’t that so? so horrible? And now you can say
Unknown:all this, what does that have to do with divorce and mothers who
Unknown:raise their children on their own? Maybe not so much. But I
Unknown:want to point out that if a woman is fear driven, if a woman
Unknown:is inherently angry at men, then she will take it out on the
Unknown:little boy. And it will be in a way that is invisible. For an
Unknown:outsider, it is just the child that will receive that anger and
Unknown:that fear driven behavior and will not know that it is not
Unknown:inherently bad. It is just the mom who has not healed from her
Unknown:wounds and is taking this out on her children. A woman who has
Unknown:been hurt is not going to become violent. There’s the odd case
Unknown:Yeah, there’s violent women out there, no doubt and they have to
Unknown:go to therapy and have to be treated and be corrected. But
Unknown:the standard woman, me included when hurt will start to play
Unknown:mental games, emotional games manipulation, seduction and will
Unknown:draw you into a mental space where you don’t know where there
Unknown:is left, or where there is right? You will be so confused,
Unknown:you will completely lose yourself in the process. Because
Unknown:it is so subtle. It creeps up into your brain, it manipulates
Unknown:you, and makes you think that you are a weak, useless,
Unknown:unworthy person. And it has to be talked about. And I feel me
Unknown:as a woman, I’m the only one who can talk about it. Because I’ve
Unknown:experienced this one on one. I know I’m capable of their
Unknown:behavior. And I know that behavior has been done to me if
Unknown:you can say that in English.
Unknown:And the reason I feel we need to talk about it is because it is
Unknown:so subtle, and no one really puts a finger on it and points
Unknown:it out. And for men, it is so confusing, because they get so
Unknown:scared, they get so confused. There’s so much violence and
Unknown:anger coming up, that the only way that can see they can react
Unknown:as either run away and shut down or become violent. And the
Unknown:violence, of course, is not a solution, because you will end
Unknown:up in jail. And to run away. And to shut down most of the time is
Unknown:not a solution. Because you keep paying those that money that you
Unknown:have to pay to your ex. Right. So it is very, very difficult
Unknown:situation to be in, because you can’t really put a finger on it.
Unknown:But what I’m trying to do here with my podcast is to disclose
Unknown:it and talk about it. And know not all women are bad. And not
Unknown:all women are capable of this behavior. But some are, and we
Unknown:have to find ways to call them out, and to go to therapy, or
Unknown:help them otherwise. But as men, you have to know that you are
Unknown:allowed to
Unknown:totally
Unknown:shut down and set boundaries and ask for help. Sometimes, going
Unknown:through a counseling session where you can truly like trust,
Unknown:your counselor is very beneficial. There’s wonderful
Unknown:counselors out there and sometimes even on the phone,
Unknown:they can help you. But you need to talk to guy friends to maybe
Unknown:platonic girlfriends, you know, girlfriends that you don’t want
Unknown:to be physical with romantic with, and speak out how you
Unknown:feel. Because this is the only way out. I know men and women,
Unknown:heterosexual men, heterosexual women, those relationships are
Unknown:in such a big Limbo and mess right now. And I fear if we
Unknown:don’t start talking about this kind of behavior, then we’re not
Unknown:gonna get out of this mess anytime soon.
Unknown:So
Unknown:if you can resonate with my content here, if you feel like
Unknown:this is what I need to talk about, then please feel free to
Unknown:reach out to me on Facebook, or on Instagram. And I have a lot
Unknown:of good guy friends out there who can be there for you and
Unknown:listen to you and I will be listening to you too. never
Unknown:hesitate to give me feedback. Tell me how you feel. If you
Unknown:think Araya, you went too far, this is no good what you’re
Unknown:doing here. Or if you feel Aurora, this was awesome. I
Unknown:needed to hear this I finally feel understood, then please
Unknown:also reach out to me. So again, I want to raise awareness for
Unknown:behavior that is not being called out upon in the moment.
Unknown:And I also want to raise awareness that little boys that
Unknown:are being raised by a single mom, have a good, right I trust
Unknown:that the mom is giving everything to her child what it
Unknown:needs, but it is missing a strong like confident that say
Unknown:masculine role model. And this is another reason why I bring
Unknown:guys on To my show, because I want to show to the world that
Unknown:there’s so many good men out there who deserve women’s
Unknown:attention. They deserve to be listened to. and understood.
Unknown:This was a little bit of an intense episode here, I needed
Unknown:to get this out to you. So again, I hope I didn’t trigger
Unknown:anything.
Unknown:I hope you
Unknown:reach out to me if it resonated with you, I will continue doing
Unknown:my work here because the feedback I received so far was
Unknown:very positive and very good. I will be out there tomorrow
Unknown:again, with a different episode called the inner critic, and how
Unknown:you can tackle your inner critic and be proud to be on a new path
Unknown:when you decide to close with things that are not good for you
Unknown:anymore. All so it is the weekend. So I hope you can have
Unknown:like some relaxed days where you can just go out in nature and go
Unknown:for a walk and yeah, let everything sink in. Thank you so
Unknown:much for listening. This was the Borealis experience. I’m your
Unknown:host Aurora. And I’ll be out there tomorrow again.
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